you live, you learn.

pictureblog! anti-tumblr

2011-06-28T22:05:00.000-07:00

know you're tired of the usual ;)

@Hecho

haha <3

@ the KID CUDI!!! concert

random bbq, with all 5 of us

(my most recent pic, with new haircut!)

being a robot in mountain view

rachel's a 1/2 inch taller now. ;( and, she passed middle school!

@bay2breakers

i swear skydiving is coming up next. soon. stay tuned!

2011-06-13T03:29:00.000-07:00

can't wait!!!

2011-06-04T04:35:00.000-07:00

we do this thing where we put all our thoughts and concerns to Him.. taking it off our shoulders and letting Him take care of the situation, as he takes care of us. but, like all relationships, it takes 2 to tango. so before anything, we do what we can - as He continues to carry on His plan he has for us. each and every one of us have unique, tailored plans.. just as we are all unique in His eyes. He loves us all, and he will continue doing what he's been doing, that is, guiding us to our success through Him.

so,

i pray that this works out in god's favor.

amen.

for those of you who dont know exactly what Amen means, it's a derivative of the Hebrew word aman which is "to strengthen" or "confirm".. aka "so be it".

2011-05-30T12:15:00.000-07:00

When we have weak core muscles, it's much harder to maintain good posture.

fuck it! slouch, eat a big mac, sit all day

of lower rank

2011-05-23T00:29:00.000-07:00

happy 1yr & 3mo... ah fuck it who am i kidding.

not myself lately. turtle mode.

kawawa. downtime.

you really, really, really, really, REALLY, suck.

i can't expect anything from you, but it kinda comes with my title. with past experience, ive learned how to be and how not to be and i feel like THIS cheryl, the cheryl NOW, is the finished product.. like 10 + 10 = 20 times better! add it all together and you've got a super sized meal!

as if i've surpassed the boss level in a video game!

a fuckin good-ass-deal!

having said that, i feel that i am better than ever =)

but..

it's not appreciated.

WHY does it feel like i have no value?! not exactly pushed aside, i just.. feel like.. i'm not.. getting what people at my level should have in return. appreciation. worth. uniqueness.

let's recap; i can't expect anything from you, but it kinda comes with my title. save me from worthless tears and just denote me down a notch. i don't know how much longer i can stay like this.

dear diary

2011-05-18T21:49:00.001-07:00

had an AWESOME weekend! first time @ bay2breakers AND a strip club, AND walked from market to the pier for what seemed like decades. i guess i had it reversed, i had a shot of vodka first thing in the morning, THEN i ate a breakfast burrito. lol. it was soooo cool! i wish i had a new camera so i could show you pictures but fortunately i'm saving my money for vegas with 4 semi-new girl friends. anywho, bay2breakers! my first time! lots of halloweenish costumes.. less slutty.. more weird, dorky, themed, and people bouncing in the nude. a littttttle disturbing! heh! my favorite was the group that planned for the rain.. all the girls dressed up as shower mesh sponges and the one and only guy dressed up as a shower! curtain included! hahaha HOWEVER it didn't rain at all! it was surprisingly veryyyy sunny. still cold tho, it's sf after all. we walked from bart to catch up with the crowd, got lost within the crowd, separated from our original group, weaved through the crowd, found some friends and drank some more (btw vince brought his camelback and filled that up with some vodka). hahaha... then we found circle of people surrounding wrestling match between not-so-similar weight classes. haha... sad to say one of the filipinos horribly lost.. i think he was just half drunk and flubby. saw some more old naked people.. tits.. junk.. then after the crowd dispersed a little more, we found 2 members from our original group and decided to walk around with them to look for a bar. COULDNT FIND a worthy bar, so we walked and walked and walked from bay2breakers to the strip club... there were only 2 black girls who were swapping the stage. one of them could climb the pole with her body, the other couldn't. phino handed me a wad of dollar bills and sat me down smack dab in the front of all the action =x! and yes; i tapped that ass. ;) my facial expression was like this the whole time: o_o . . . i didn't know how to react! awkward and it didn't turn me on at all? im not even sure if i'm supposed to be turned on?! that was my first time as well. haha. then from the strip club to the pier! from being denied of 50% off at bubbas to being approved of 50% off at rainforest cafe. UGHHHH you could imagine all the walking we did? i desperately had to call-in the next day. couldn't move my legs or keep them standing! then we randomly met up with the rest of our group and fell asleep on our bart ride back home. i love being buzzed all day. :D

2011-05-14T00:23:00.000-07:00

ok now im sad again. this isnt going anywhereee... comfortable - lil wayne.

MAN you suck.

DAY 1 - The Return of Cheryl

2011-05-04T00:16:00.000-07:00

day 1 is definitely not how i thought it would be. i took a step back from the box* to analyze what i was doing, and what situation i was in.. and after thinking on it, i realized that i was brainwashed into following a pre-destined path my mother had set up for me. she advertised it well, weighing out the pro's and con's.. as well as throwing in a few promotions of her own, such as a free room and free food. but we ALL KNOW that nothing in life is free! so of course i had to read the fine print: "the promoted free room is next door to a 13 year old girl who is still not mature. across the hallway is a room with traditional-style grandparents who will scold you for anything that is seen non-traditional. across the other hallway is your mother who will always nag you no matter what until you get your shit together"

it's like i'm back at square one. but i refuse to consider this as "square one"

atleast this time around, i actually have something accomplished. so, technically, this would be square Two! haha

babysteps, i guess.

aha! that's exactly it - babysteps! i need to stop mentally punishing myself for not being where i wish i was.. and instead i should just appreciate where i AM, and what i've DONE to get myself in the place i'm currently in. maybe we should all take a

*moment of appreciation*

that is all for day 1. appreciate today, rest, go on with externships, and proceed to square three when ready. got it!

macbook reboot sound

2011-05-01T23:34:00.000-07:00

i guess i should update you guys with what's really going on right now, because the previous post is so last month!

ha!

after countless nights of contemplating til 2am, i've come to conclude that my personality has reached a pleateau. that would explain why i felt down-in-the-dumps at any given event, and why i honestly had nothing cool or important to talk about anymore. I was irritable.. bland... and lifeless, if you may.

where has all of cheryl gone? what happened to those times where people would say, "cheryl would do that" or "that's so cheryl!" haha. i needed to put the cheryl back in cherylness.blogspot.com. and of course, i was/am destined to restore what was once mine!

so i'm coming back. with a new twist.. i'm 23 now, not 19, not 20, not 21, not 22.. but yes, 23. although i may not know what to do, i know now what NOT to do. (i'll let you re-read that)

ahh, the feeling of something fresh & new. i'm all for it! and i hope you'll stick around to continue reading my blogs.. cuz there will definitely be more updates in the (very) near future.

so far, here are my current updates:

-graduated from my pharmtech program

-starting pharmtech externships perhaps as soon as tomorrow

-moving back to moms

-not stopping there! continuing with school and aiming for that degree!

-VEGAS finally with all girls! (yes, i'm 2 years late. this is my first time going with friends and not family)

-SKYDIVING IS A MUST. since i couldn't do it last year

-ziplining next month. woot!

-no more Chase!

&more later..

<3c.

2011-04-08T21:55:00.000-07:00

"silence is a girl's loudest cry. you can tell she's really hurt when she starts ignoring you"

3.20.11

2011-03-20T20:22:00.000-07:00

i tend to wander off to blogland before an important exam.. i guess i gotta let out some thoughts that take part in my overpopulated brain. =)

3.12.11

had an awesome surprise bday!

thanks baby. ;) apparently i drank so much that i left everyone and wandered off on my own for an hour. lol.. that's bruno fitzmars standing next to me haha

and thank again babe, for eliminating the stacks of cds in my car! =D

3.18.11

and thanks kuya fred & jon for the last minute, random invitation to Jo Koy! he was the perfect comedian for my first comedy show =D

AND PASSION WAS THERE TOO! he sang my favorite song: musiq soulchild - just friends =D! i melted in my seat when i heard it! (no cameras allowed during the show, sorry!) oh but i'll share with you my favorite song of his, it's an original! meaning from the heart =) >

ps, happy 1 year & 1 month

thanks for your time!

back to the exit exam -______-

update version 3.7.11

2011-03-06T23:18:00.000-08:00

if you do the math,

living (somewhat) on your own + a raise in your paycheck $$$ + awesome boyfriend + being around good people + graduating this month - minor day-to-day complaints = overall, life is swell.

as most of you know, dad has left the building (home) for about 2+ months now. he probably migrated down south of california, where employment rates appear to be rising. he's honestly never told me. none, zip, nada. don't think he ever will. but he's safe, and he's making his own money, and he calls to check on me everyday. i'm happy for him. =)

as for my other boyfriend..

just celebrated our 1 year!

spotted banksy! some dumbos edited it tho. -_-

fauncy dinner for two!

(i look weird in that picture)

then dinner day 2 !

NOMical.

and i'm happy to announce the return of Cassandra! wooooooo! she hasn't come out to play yet, but we're finally able to talk to each other on the phone again. it's a start. =) i miss her and i'll always be here for her. (left)

i... went to a big sean concert ? hah.. some guy who likes to say "boiii" a lot.

"finally famous over everythaaang"

if there were such thing as second-hand smoking from weed, i probably caught it at the concert. HELLAsmoke.

pardon my old 6mp camera. -_- i wanna new one! scratch that.. *need

new favorite bar - Single Barrel! usually when i find a good thing, i like to share.. but in this case, i'd prefer to keep this gem exclusive. from the customer service, to the decor, to the ambience, and especially to their rare drinks catered to your liking... i rate this place 100 stars and beyond. i would tell you guys what it's like inside, but i think it would ruin my credibility. you HAVE to go there in person to get the full experience. yes; it's not just a bar, it's an EXPERIENCE. their name is all i'll give.. once you find it, you wont be disappointed! promise.

my program finishes this month and im super excited! THIS MONTH! i'll gain experience in the field and then we'll see where it goes from there. chemistry, however, was never my strongest subject to begin with. blegh. anywho, i am featured in a video, for those who are considering the program. i look very very ugly. here's the link. http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_QYsMJggHUA

hahhhh... *blush*

my birthday's this saturday and i have no clue what to do! a dinner with babe at _________ (he still hasn't decided yet). im down for anything.. i wanted to go to miyakes in palo alto like how ashley s. did, but my friends are all broke so exnay that place. =( i want a few things for my bday, but it seems like as the years go by, the list gets smaller, and more pricey. like, a new car! for example. or, a new apartment to call my own! or, a flatscreen tv! or, a camera! (well, that's not TOO pricey) or skydiving!

but there is one thing that i really want that's not pricey at all.. a turtle! yes, another turtle. aeolus & vishnu grew way too big.. here's a size comparison of Aeolus.

yup. crazy. for my next victim, i wanna keep him baby-sized. small turtles are just cuter, and easier to manage. i heard that the bigger the tank, the bigger the turtles get. hence Aeolus' picture above. they were quite healthy! haha. i'd love to get a map turtle with spikes.. *hint to anyone who's reading this*

other than those listed above, i haven't really learned much in terms of blog topics. i guess this time in my life is all evaluation and planning. i'm starting to get more conscious of my health, simply from evaluating other people's lives. some are getting fatter, some are fit with muscles now, and others are still eating out at fastfood joints. there are a lot of things to consider; stress, hormonal levels, and sleep to name a few. so i'm watching out for myself. better to start early, than later. i've even started using an eye cream for my eyes so i don't get under-eye circles or dark spots when i'm older! haha.. and iono about your friends, but it seems like babies are popping out everywhere! soon enough, my schedule will be filled with babyshowers and weddings o_o. fuuuuck.. in terms of babies, i'm definitely not ready for one yet. i have to tackle one goal at a time. but, from observing how children are getting raised, im getting a few ideas of how i wanna raise mine. &taking notes. what not to do, that's for sure. haha. i guess i did learn a few things after all?

wellps, i got a practical tomorrow and written exam next week so i guess i this is where i conclude. i'll report back when i have something to blog about.

continue on! =)

2011-03-04T01:02:00.000-08:00

foreign cinema; must see! *adding to to-do list*

sometimes you need to be reminded

2011-02-17T00:33:00.001-08:00

remind me not to overanalyze things!

just an old tendency that seems to come up every so often..

and remind me not to think too far ahead in the future! the unknown stresses me out!

ness ness ness

2011-01-18T00:37:00.000-08:00

never see me again - kanye

sounds like kanye's drunk-rapping the whole song, but the beat fits it well. i looove a good character; a bit of anger, a bit of sadness, fed-up, cockiness (of course), sarcasm, realness, and some craziness .. add an ironic beat, and it's like ending on a happy note.

great song!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f5EPGfPPwQk

2011-01-17T13:38:00.000-08:00

skydiving = $300

rachel here muahahaha jk (im her sister)

blurt.

2011-01-04T23:33:00.001-08:00

whyyyy do i get the feeling that i'm whooped..

i don't boast my love for you online, nor do i overload you with gifts n crap that supposedly "symbolize" my love... i'd rather just show it. naturally. the little things count, y'know. random kisses, occasional visits to your work before closing, and if i were walking down the aisles at a store and i spot something that made me think of you.. i might have bought it and gave it to you as a surprise.

of course, all in moderation.

none of that overly obsessive crap. your room is not crowded by heart shaped pictures of us nor does my tweet history show a timeline of every moment we spend together, since recording it as-we-speak would be ruining the now. [duh]. a.k.a. phone interception

and, none of that non-obsessive crap either! i am not spoiled by you, nor do i have my head in the clouds thinking that you'll always be there no matter what. i'm not going to take you for granted and im not going to flood you with obsessive love!

simply, i just feel that.. the times that i do think or show affection for you, there's no reciprocal. kinda like the gf who bought her bf an xbox360 and was never shown attention from her bf after that. she mistakingly thought that she was legitimately showing love to her bf, when instead, the guy thanked her for the gift and continued to play video games on it. sigh.. the gf ended up smashing the xbox with a hammer later on.

perhaps my definition of affection is strong yet sparingly, spread out amongst a long period of time. however i have noticed that with you, when you DO choose to show it, you go ALL out. like one jam-packed saturday vs an easy-going rest of the week.

i'll twerk my schedule for you. i'll pay for this dinner if you get next. i'll talk to your parents. i'll drive. i'll cook. i'll say sorry first if i know i did something wrong. i'm constantly re-evaluating my 1year gift for you! i'll pick up the redbox movie on my way to your house from work! i'll ask you about your day, but.. i never told you about my day? get the gist

EHyeaaaidunno.

i used to be careless with an "on-to-the-next" attitude, but i quit that. i love you, and i can't see myself with anyone else.

ps, come over sometime.

2011-01-02T23:47:00.001-08:00

o m g i'm almost 23.

happy 10..

2010-12-20T00:03:00.000-08:00

oh yeah you dont celebrate those.

a rare species

2010-12-16T00:13:00.000-08:00

i know you're supposed to treat others the way you want to be treated. i know, i know. but what happens when you "kill'em with kindness" and get nothing nice in return?!i'm not focused on the act of receiving something back, i just wanna know where all the genuinely considerate and polite people have gone!

either i'm really old school, or these people have become veryyy hard to find.. maybe even extinct. to come in contact with one is like a diamond in the rough!

everyone seems to be too busy, preoccupied with other things, or focused on themselves. or they simply don't care. or perhaps the media has influenced them (have you listened to the radio lately?!) there could be a bajillion factors that come into play with the extinction of this species. there is no single answer.

i haven't seen anyone trying to fix this - all except maybe Ne-yo, who brought out Year of the Gentleman. (this could be based on your taste in music. i personally like r&b) in his lyrics, he was thoughtful enough to appreciate the other person, instead of himself. (miss independent). or in other tracks, (these tracks were not on the US albums) such as "in the way" and "what's the matter". if you listen to the lyrics, you can see his genuine consideration for everyone but himself. hence, the gentleman title.

[oh and this dude i follow on twitter, @treatwomenright. his name says it all]

i'm not saying stop paying attention to yourself. of course, we all have to focus on ourselves too. please, take a shower. please, brush your teeth. please, do your homework first! please, prioritize realistically. but, when you have another encounter, even just a smile can go a long way.. maybe make somebody's day. it doesn't hurt!

or just being polite

at my work, i usually start with a "hello, how are you?" and they would respond with a "fine thanks how are you?" and while i'm saying "i'm fiii-" they'd cut me off saying "deposit please". everytime i get those, i feel like they skipped the appetizer and went straight for the entree. saying it "just to say it" has no feeling, no heart involved! i know, it's a bank.. that's what we do.. but what i'm trying to say is subconsciously acknowledging the other person does not count.

from that point, we drag on with the day. one boring person after the next.. rude, heartless, non-existent.

i'm sure there are times where you've been invited to someone's birthday, but they didn't make the time for yours. or when you've spotted somebody for dinner, and you haven't heard from them since. or when you would drive far distances for a friendship/relationship, (literally and figuratively), yet they wouldn't drive as far for you. or when you make the effort, and they don't. or when you do your homework, and someone just copies off yours.

BECAUSE OF THOSE REASONS there are people out there who AREN'T considerate enough of others... we're sick and tired of not being treated the way we want to be treated.. which is why (epiphany) the polite/thoughtful/gentleman species has become extinct!

reviving this generation will take some time and patience. being one amongst many can brainwash you back into the crowd. but please, think otherwise! bring this species back!

have a heart!

quick to judge.

2010-12-13T00:31:00.001-08:00

sometimes you can't rely on one-sided perspectives. if you take the time to view your situation in a different light, it's not so bad after all!

1) everything isn't always based off first impression.

(although first impressions mean a LOT; i'd have to save that for another blog). i am a firm believer in second chances... so just wait it out for a bit longer! let the brand new friendship marinate for a bit, and wait for their true colors to come out. naturally.

2) so their true colors show. now what.

from here, you can decide if you want to go on with this person or not, cuz by this time, you'd already have a good idea of your future friendship. if you're liking it, that's a green light. (for those of you who might not know, green light = go for it). if not, well...

3) think about it this way.

maybe to you, you personally wouldn't want to be close friends with this person. but think aside for a second.. this is how this person naturally is. in short, "it is what it is" or "it be like that sometimes". lol. it might be difficult for some, but try to accept this person for who he/she is. for example, say i don't want to be friends with a coke addict who sniffs on a weekly basis. but, if i accept that person as a sniffer and get to know the true person inside, they're not so bad after all. or, say i just met a super valley girl like omg totally. if i muted out all her like's, omg's, and totally's, perhaps i could get to know her as a friend, and not somebody who i would have originally ignored.

however, in some cases, there there are clear distinctions of why this person is not a good "friend" candidate. of course you don't want to make friends with a rapist, convict, pedophile, etc..! let's be logical here! you always have a choice!

lol

4) why miss out on a possible friendship?

don't let your judgement get in the way of your possible friendship. (or any other person's judgement). take the one-on-one approach and get to know the person. "all the bullshit to the side"

nevertheless,

the more the merrier!

he said he doesn't celebrate monthoversaries

2010-11-21T22:40:00.000-08:00

i definitely won't forget that

iiiiits cuddle weather!

2010-10-24T21:54:00.000-07:00

after eyeing the last minutes on the clock,

i hustle for my sweater, boots, and umbrella

drive straight home and switch into my sweatpants, hair tie

spritz a little of my favorite scent

and drive again

to my comfort zone, my cloud 9, my love

a place where we can be lazy

watch movies

grab a snack or two

play footsies

and cuddle

^_^

2010-10-10T19:06:00.001-07:00

drake - up all night.

flies in my fries

2010-09-21T22:27:00.001-07:00

i don't know why but i've been getting angry lately.

okay i know why; i just dont get how people are sometimes!

as we all know, every day is a new day. we start with a clean slate, a fresh mind, and a natural curiosity of what the new day beholds.

until someone opens their mouth and starts bringing up irritating topics of non-importance! like a fly continuously circling your dinner, go the fuck away! and next time you annoy me, i'll fuckin swat you!

k, maybe that was a bit harsh. although the flies are attracted to food, the food is not attracted to flies. who the heck wants flies in their food?! it's not appetizing! it's not even sanitary, especially if they're affecting your new, clean lifestyle... it can make you go rotten.

yes, you can say i've changed. if change can filter the flies out, then change is good. since ive been MINDING MY OWN BUSINESS, i'm cruising through life with a new mindset on things. a new mind means IVE GOT A DIFFERENT ACTION PLAN. so gtfo my french fries. stop trying to ruin my day.

if i have to change my location to get away from these flies, then i'll do it. change my food? sure. wear repellent? even better. shooing them away will only temporarily defer them, but flies are just one of those UNNECESSARY THINGS IN LIFE that can easily be HANDLED.

so stop shooing flies away and just swat them already!

start eating your food while it's fresh. tomorrow's a brand new day and you got everything going for you.

MOVE FORWARD

2010-08-23T00:27:00.001-07:00

dear god,

as for the moment, i'd really like to get into the program! but, whatever You think is right for me, let it be so.

Amen.

love always,

cheryl

i really don't mind.

2010-08-18T20:04:00.000-07:00

i've gone to the point where i really don't mind a day off when everyone else is busy. I really don't mind spending the day alone.

i really don't mind going to a party with hella people. I really don't mind if i'm not even invited.

I really don't mind mcdonalds

or olive garden

or alexander's steak house.

I really don't mind the generic brand so long as it works the same way.

I really don't mind the backseat instead of passenger seat (sometimes).

heh.

I really don't mind the mattress in the loft. I really don't mind the bedroom with a bed. I really don't mind a towel from Target instead of a Ralph Lauren one. I really don't mind using an old ass nokia phone. I really don't mind my beat up Chucks. I really don't mind the same purse (though, I wouldn't mind a new one either). I really don't mind doing my own nails instead of going to the salon.

dude.

relax.

not a big deal.

if i really wanted to have my way....

of course i'd choose otherwise. I would reconsider the outcome of my decision before settling with what the average pushover would choose. I mean, is a pushover really a pushover or is he/she really just a chill kinda person? kinda like a hippy; peace, good-vibes, no drama

PEOPLE,

the world does not revolve around a single person!

Upgrading and improving your life is one thing, but i'm fine with some of the things that i already own. certain things, though, i DO mind... like common sense things. Such as: yes i DO mind if you'd drive me there instead of walking out like this.

over the past few months, particular things haven't bugged me the way they used to. I've slowly accepted society's ways, even if I may not agree with it sometimes. My anger won't change society, considering i'm only one person of many. it's like a baby crying amidst a large crowd, such as a loud concert.

who would really hear you? anyone can hear you, but it's rare for anyone to actually listen to you. unless that baby is carefully watched by a guardian, [cough, attention whores] then i guess what i'm trying to say is "the ones who truly care about you will listen"

other than that, i really don't mind !

let's just be.

2010-07-19T03:17:00.000-07:00

whatever, whenever

c <3 v

2010-07-05T20:36:00.001-07:00

it's worth it at the end!

REPRESENT

2010-06-14T20:50:00.000-07:00

(a mid-blog)

sitting there, my mind started to think off on a tangent. although we may not see how others view us, how do we represent ourselves to the world? do you show yourself as attractive? unappealing? proper? offensive? strong? weak? ... the list goes on.

i mean think about it, how did we come about these self-expressions?

there has to be some sort of filter. a guide. something that has narrowed our decisions to get us to where we are now. for some, it could be an event in our past, good or bad. or it could be someone we look up to; god, a family member, or a friend. there is a theory that says culture is the fastest way humans adapt. in other words, it is the fastest way to get humans to change.

like teenagers watching mtv and drooling over the latest one-hit-wonder. groupies.

how sensitive are we to culture? if you are who you claim to be, do you show it?

the reason why i mention this is because of something that happened at the bank the other day.

customer: "can i please have a copy of this check before i deposit it?"

teller: "i'm sorry sir, our policy does not allow us to make copies."

customer: "why not?? the branch where i live makes copies for me all the time."

teller: "sir maybe that branch makes an exception for you every time, but according to policy we cannot make copies. i'm sorry."

customer: "give me the check. what's your manager's name? i'm going to report that this branch has horrible customer service!"

if one teller represents all tellers for that bank, shouldn't we all have a unionized image? one person can ruin everyone's reputation.. if you catch my drift.

take for example these "christians"

really now? -______- aren't they supposed to love thy enemy?

and i'm sure you can all relate to this one:

oops i mean ***COPS who try to get at you for the most nonsense reasons! this is where you say, "you call this disturbing the peace??? REALLY?!"

have we forgotten who we represent? we decide how we want to portray ourselves based on things that are important to us. sure, you may hate homosexual people, but what about the others in that group you claim to belong in, do they also? sure, you say you protect the people but instead you're taking advantage of your powers? has it gone to the point where we forgot who else we are affecting? more importantly, the ones right under our noses, those amongst ourselves. the people who wear the same badge you're wearing!

there's no i in team!

If you are who you say you are, be it. Representation requires attraction, and if you're ruining it for everyone... that's not attractive at all.

REPRESENT

Hyderabad, India; day 2/4

2010-06-01T23:49:00.001-07:00

Day 2 - the Leper Colonies

Leper Colony 1.

shunned from society, the lepers are forced to live in the outskirts or in little encompassed communities such as these:

as soon as they see our truck, they quickly gathered up on the sheets by the entrance to form an audience-like crowd because they knew something was in store for them. some even brought their previously used bags because they knew they were being fed today.

the kids were so grateful.. they would say thank you after you give them food and even after you answer their questions. lol. a group of girls asked me about school. they were like, "are you in college? what do you study? have you graduated? where? what do you want to do?" of course my usual response to those questions are "UH... getting there... not sure yet?? im still trying to find it..." and i'd say it in total embarrassment. i've been taking baby steps alright.

Leper Colony 2.

this is actually one of the fortunate houses within this leper colony that we visited. This house in particular belonged to our tour-guide/church-friend Sarah and her hubby Abraham. Limited electricity..

and only sunlight lit the kitchen.. she would have to light wood to cook. she said to us, "I'm praying for an electric stove"

they were blessed with a huge speaker! and a blanket. (that poster was her wedding sign; and those are their real names)

couple doors down was a "hospital". The lepers would come here every morning to get their lesions disinfected and banded. The lady doing the bandaging is actually Sarah's mom! The elderly lady getting bandaged started to cry a little when we got there. She was saying that her leprosy has not healed yet and it has been going on for too long and she just wants it to stop. Basically with leprosy, it progressively eats away your skin and through to your bones painlessly. so one day you can have a pinky finger, and next week it's just a stub and you didn't even notice. In this woman's case, she fears her foot is eventually going to deteriorate and she will be forced to walk on crutches.

a few of the neighborhood kids were running around playing. they ran up to our hands, grabbed them, and tugged us to come play with them. Julian and Sierra couldn't resist the offer

We returned to the main place where they gathered because the trucks with our food finally arrived. It was mainly women and children, very few men?

i took this pic from afar. looks like she was explaining to the other one what exactly was going on.. or they could be playing a game. I really feel for these kids who are born into these types of communities. They have no choice but to live within the walls of the leper colony without knowing what's on the other side of the wall? .. ??

passin out rice..

i dont know if you can see it on your screen, but if you look at these ladies' fingers, they have the lesions from leprosy. you can see that their limbs have been eaten away. They have no fingernails and some were missing whole fingers

day 3 next!

Hyderabad, India; day 1/4

2010-05-12T19:05:00.000-07:00

finally... 4 months later!

Dear Mac Users,

firstly, i had planned to empty out my memory card before i went to India. so i saved my photos in a folder and hit delete and my mac looked like it deleted everything.. but for some reason my canon said it only had 140 picture space available? ?!!?!? a little frustrated, i figured that's all i would need.. right? well after my india trip i found out that with macs in particular, you also need to delete the photos in your trash box. -____-. then you'll be back at the however many gb's you started with. keep that in mind.

My friend Julian and I have always wanted to travel to a 3rd world country to help out (see bucket list post). so when Jubilee Church had an ad for an opportunity to go to India, we saved up our $$$$ and made it a reality. =)

I woke up super excited. "I'm going to INDIA!!!" i screamed. I've only been talking about it for.. ever. I checked my luggage.. made sure i had my itinerary.. and brought along a little pouch for rupees. Julian met at my house.. prayed a little prayer with mom & grandma.. and Vinny was ready to send us off to SFO airport.

like i've said, I love the airport. So many different cultures all in one building. The plane ride, however, was a dreading 16 hrs.. complete with tv's on the back of the seat in front of you, and uncomfortable back rests. Julian and I were still looking for our group, but we figured we'd see them once we've landed. off to india!so this right here is the airport in india. The golden arches never fail to stray from you, even if you're 1938749183 miles away... haha. We eventually found our group. the weather was wonderful. warm, around the 70's... (at night).about an hour later, we settle down in our hotel rooms. looks like your everyday hotel room, right? Coz it is.. Our group leader, Pastor Michelle Bernal, said "This is your oasis, you have a shower, toilet, and bed. We'll come back here after our missions, but when we're out there, there's no turning back. You'll have to wait til we get back to the hotel".we started out at 6am. i guess india wakes up early? I could hear the toots from the car horns and the vroom's from the motorcycles. almost everyone had either a motorcycle, or was traveling by taxi (the mini yellow cars). They looked like.. hmm.. the kid rides in the middle of the mall that cost like 50cents to ride. All automobiles looked shrinked compared to the auto's in the U.S. that's julian.and that's india's common ant! huuuuuge ant! about 3/4ths of an inch.

our first mission was at the dumps. as you can see, they made their own tents out of whatever they could find.. there were hundreds of them.. india doesn't really do much about these dumps coz very few people care.. and because there are so many, funding for them is an issue.

i pulled back the blinds in the bus and the first thing i see were these 3 excited faces.. they were SO happy to see us! They waved and we waved back. I turned to julian and said, "dude we're really here!" before we got off the bus, Pastor Michelle said, "keep all your stuff safely hidden. they will steal. and remember, we are there blessing, we are here to love them and pray for them."

they loooooooved to get their pictures taken. they'd always tug on me and say "one photo!" haha. it was cute. they'd make some silly face, then grab my arm to look at their picture and laugh their hearts out as if it were their only form of entertainment

we brought them some candy and every kid would come up to me asking for more. lol. i'd tell them, "i'm sorry i dont have enough..." i felt sooo bad.. but we packed them some food to hand out in the church (white building). we brought rice, oil to cook, and something from the lentil family called dahl.

we told them to form a line before we could pass out one of each, but since they were so hungry i think i saw a few people come in twice, or using their children to get seconds. we wanted to be fair, so we tried to give one per family. they had to have a ticket to get the food.. then we saw fake tickets.. then they crowded at the door! "one at a time!" it was chaos.. you can see julian at the door trying to hold them back because they would barge in like 10 at a time and we couldn't keep track of who was getting what. we even had to form a barrier by holding hands with eachother so nobody could sneak a bag for themselves. i felt horrible but if you're hungry, you do what you gotta do to get food, right.

some of the group members were amazed at how rowdy it was getting. we were giving them food, but they can't just steal seconds... we had to be strict.
we closed up all the doors of the church so nobody would snatch a bag. it made me wonder, how long do they have to wait for another batch of food? who gives them food? how long do they go without it? Pastor Michelle said many organizations like us help them out, but on some days nobody would come at all. they can be food-less for up to 3 days =\

afterwards, we ventured off into the neighborhoods

one of our group members brought her guitar and started singing christian songs to them. in this one she was singing Jesus Loves Me and she changed the lyrics to "you". =)
i'll have more tomorrow! so stay tuned.

currently:

i'm at daddy's feelin like a bed-potato coz just this past tuesday i woke up with a bad fever. 102degrees. =\. vinny took care of me all day. (thank you). i was hot & sweaty with goosebumps, had a throbbing headache, and dry coughs w/ phlegm. (how could a dry cough have phlegm? hah, trust me, it hurts). so today i went to my union city doctor and he said i have bronchitis. =T. he gave me a prescription for phenergan w/ codeine (yes, codeine) for the painful cough and augmentin for the infection caused by bacteria in my bronchioles. on top of that he suggested i continue using tylenol to reduce the fever. o_o. siiigh. such nice weather outside! i have work tomorrow though, i dont think i can make it. i already called out one day. eep. oh well. more tomorrow! back to water & rest..

is it summer yettt?!

2010-05-03T13:29:00.000-07:00

no. not yet. summer is really summer when the studying has ceased and plans have doubled in number. so many places to go, things to do! babe, could i do them all with you? no more techno/trance podcasts and homework chapter 13 part 400 letter a, b, and c. anything going on this weekend better include me. blue skies, sunsets, and sunrise.. breakfast in bed, lunch, and dinner with my dress in red. sunbathing, taking advantage of the weather.. swimming sounds fun but skydiving sounds better. we'll take a roadtrip to disneyland, jetskii by the san diegan sand... but as for now i got this damn homework to do, i know, bummer... i wish it were fuckin SUMMER!!

(random girl)

-c

zombie michael in my room?

2010-04-17T22:54:00.001-07:00

with roach. recorded with an hp. super lag! exactly why you should get a mac.

2010-04-09T00:18:00.001-07:00

san diego sun

2010-03-31T14:21:00.001-07:00

1st roadtrip =)
1st time jetskiing!the rest are on facebook.

have a great spring break!

LOVES C

part 22

2010-03-21T20:45:00.001-07:00

Birthday part 2's are stupid dumb retarded.
don't have one.
nobody will show up because by the time your part 1 has finished, it's already another person's birthday.

DURR

don't take up all the birthday space!

ps. fuck you guys - again.

SD BOUND.

conscience

2010-03-10T23:19:00.000-08:00

for years i've been taught back n forth between listening to my conscience vs. not listening to my conscience.one says "This is for the better! You'll thank me later!" and the other says, "But this is perfect right now.."

other things i listen to include: my mom. my daddy. my teachers. my boss. my supervisor. my friends who are in need of an ear. music. internet. [i've eliminated television]

Add-in an expert nagger into the equation,

and you get a blank inanimate robot whose listening ears have been all-heared-out.

as if automatically programmed to please, the robot obeys what it is told. it takes in information, and translates it into action. it only uses the most minimal use of calculation [brain] to process all the information given, a spark from the battery [a milktea, maybe chocolate], and like a loyal soldier, it is ready to operate.

usually the orders would be wake up, go to school/work, do your homework, eat, sleep, repeat. but that's only 1 set of orders. from all those listed in the above paragraphs, how does a robot operate with multiple orders?

A basic robot is designed to handle one at a time. The more improved robot is designed to multitask flawlessly. I personally believe the improved robots have the advantage in this. Like a Robo3000 AND 1 !!

eventually your Wants are the evils, Needs are the goods, anyone to convince you otherwise is a nagger... when all comes at once, where have your listening skills gone besides one ear and out the other?

like a robot who has overrode the programs it initially had! slight-advancement maybe?

so for those basic robots out there, HOW DO WE GET THEM TO MULTITASK LIKE THE NEW&IMPROVED ONES? do they have a boss-level? are they "born again"? do they go to a transition factory where they are rebuilt? reprogrammed? what is it! where is it?!

and how can i get it?

hello from hibernation

2010-02-24T03:04:00.000-08:00

I NEED TO BLOG ABOUT INDIA !!!!!

then my monterey trip

and then my bdays coming up

but barlaan's is first

i want an oyster bbq bday party.

i have a quiz tomorrow.

SKYDIVE!

i need a phone; somebody took mine. =(

got a raise @Chase ? that's always good.

$plit on a Flip MinoHD

chase freedom card about ready to be paid off! FINALLY

BAY to BREAKERS in may!

ahhh! so many things going on, so many plans! I think everyone should stop thinking about what they want to do and just set your own plan of achieving them! AND START ON IT! laptop, check, phone, check, new environment, check, get more money, check, flip mino hd, check, third world country, check, disneyland, in the works.

WHATS YOUR LIST

Words. [updated 012110]

2010-01-18T00:53:00.001-08:00

I don't think i've ever mentioned to you the way i feel about Words. I mean, we've all heard the saying, "Sticks and stones may break my bones but words can never hurt me". It's like a confidence boost you feed to kids when they are verbally abused. Then they still end up crying.

HAH. Either that or the next day you get a phonecall from the school nurse saying that your kid just got in a fight because they didn't know how else to handle verbal abuse. Sheesh. Seriously?

Truth is, to certain people, (and in certain situations), words can be hurtful. i guess we can start by telling our kids that words can possibly hurt .. BUT.... [insert your own motherly reassurance that everything will be alright].

another option is you can always ignore them.....

that would be the more "mature" thing to do, however it can also have some unintentional backfiring results. =T

But we're not kids anymore.

exactly. it's not just How we say it, but it's also What we say. sometimes the things that come out of our mouths involve 1, 2, or 3 more people in it, therefore resulting in more fingers pointed..
it's like our mouths shape the image of another person. like rumors, "He said that she said that her neighbor said..." that would be considered as direct gossip.

Or, there could be the less obvious. For instance, say everybody knows you two are "talking". They ask, "How was your day?" and you reply as if cupid shot you, "Splendid." ending with a huge cheesy smile on your face. that would be a positive compliment [?] towards the one you are talking to. however, if you said "Irritated." then the other person's image [and possibly yours] would be greatly affected in a negative connotation. I think you're starting to get the picture..

you know [and i'm sure from your own experiences] that we all make judgements/assumptions/labels based on the words we hear/see. it's just what we've been trained to do since birth.. if you hear the word blue, you point to the color blue. if you hear that he got in a fight, the next day do you find yourself keeping a safe distance from that person?

for the Smart-Asses, words are the most versatile form of manipulation. [some might need a little visual to boost the affect on others]

for the people in Need, words are tools to get what they want."blah blah blah, i want this, i want that, i never asked for that, if i do this for you, can you get me this? blah blah blah"

words can be used as hints, or even used to be blunt. either way works, but hints take a lot more thought. you'd have to reach in to your abstract-thinking abilities to make connections with the words given in a phrase. for instance,

"i'm bored. what are you doing" = pick me up/ let's hang out/ i randomly picked you coz i had nothing better to do
"Brr it's cold" = close the effin window.
"i never knew you sang!" = i think i like you!
or "my food tastes disgusting." = get me a new plate / i hate this date / this isn't what i ordered.

Ahhhh... the many affects words can have on us. Sometimes the junction between mind and spoken word [not the hiphop kind] flow so quick, that your consciousness has no intervention. like spilling the beans; you forgot to reconsider if that was the right or wrong thing to say.. coz now.. it's too late. you said it already. you're in deep shit.
WOOPS.

i guess basically what i'm trying to say is just Watch what you Say. What comes out our mouths is what defines us. Our actions do too, but that's a whole 'nother blog.

what if we can't show ourselves in any other form? what about the people who only have words to communicate?
sure, the dictionary is constantly expanding, but theres only so many ways you can say a certain emotion.

happy/glad/joyous/blissful
sad/depressed/sullen/low
excited/!/woopee!/omg!
i miss you/i want you/ i l--- you/ i need you.

if words are all you got; you wouldn't want to abuse the true meaning behind the words you say.. so change it up a bit [invest in a thesaurus?] or it's best to talk in-person. nothing beats one-on-one interaction. ;] the only exception is if you know the other person enough, words are merely reminders of the true emotion inside.. which then you'd have to rely on belief, possibly faith, to keep it true.

this is a weird blog i dont even know if i make sense but it's been on my mind lately that words can really have an affect on others. take thought before you speak. =T

"beni swa leternel"

2010-01-13T21:45:00.000-08:00

"whatcha been up to?"

kickin it with my little 8 yr old cousin from la while wearing some awesome new shades ;]trying something new on the sushi menuwatched Roach's Thriller performance haha

not really into the vampire thing, but this movie was pretty awesome.
developed a more caring/motherly heart for the ages 3-5.

ate at a restaurant that the guy from man vs food went. i'd say 4 stars? hella NOMMY! nomnomnom!

won some tickets and havent used them yet. i am collecting these so any donations would be gladly appreciated.

[taken from rafie] been workin up my skills in beer pong. this is JUST PRACTICE.. on my way to building up that Champ Rep. hahaha

black hoodies, exhausts, stoges, and addicting shooter games = comfort zone

... india is next. super excite!/nervous

just mailed in my passport to get my tourist visa, then my shots are on wednesday. i'll come back with one heckuva story.

i'm also, losing it.

2009-12-29T22:04:00.000-08:00

i'm never too far.

i can play fair - if i wanted to.

always down for anything.

forgetful, majority of the time.

dreamer.

hungry!

sure, i'd love to shadow you today!

wanna? let's!

curious.

happy bday jesus, 122509.

when i feel like being vague, i pay no attention to detail. i drift through the days, wandering around in my mind about the good times - instead of the "yes, a straight deposit" in front of me. I concentrate for a few seconds, then release. Back into my own world of bliss. "i can't wait to see you later!!" hypes my heart. =) Anyway, I'm getting paid. And some. And what.

now what.

2010 is just around the corner and i'm totally excited for what it has to bring. Somebody once told me that it's OK to be selfish sometimes. Focus on yourself. Do what is right for you; stop trying to make others happy because how can you make someone else happy if you're not happy yourself? (did you get that? haha). My cheryl-like character will unravel this upcoming year, i'll be taking more risks, more chances, and finally, i will get more questions answered.

The life of a curious 21 year old.. i'm fuckn Ready.

so happy early new years, everyone. there will definitely be more blogs to come, none of the norm - coz in my world there is no such thing as "normal". stay safe and try your best not to complain!

LOVE YOU GUYS MUAHMUAHMUAH XOXOXOXO

XD! ^_^ v ! >_< \m/ woot woot

resistance is futile

2009-12-23T11:22:00.000-08:00

if i could somehow find the junction between a person's thoughts and what actually comes out of their mouth, i'd make a switch for it. I would be soooo rich by now, coz I could name a bajillion moments where switching it to Off would be the best answer in that given situation.

k im lazy to write the rest going to the mallzo with roach! =) it's been awhile since i was with my baby =D

kicks rocks... =T

2009-12-16T20:02:00.000-08:00

HEY

2009-12-12T19:08:00.001-08:00

behave yourselves

"call/txt me thnx ;)"

2009-12-09T21:05:00.001-08:00

or just SEE ME IN PERSON SHEESH

GLAD to live in a growing generation of technology, methods of communication have never been so various than it is now. I just had a conversation with daddy on our car ride home from the grocery store about how nobody has human contact anymore. Everything is through facebook, twitter, text, blog, and for the businesses: linkedin. There's so many social-networking sites that I could add more, but those are the main ones. While listening to daddy talk about his view on this, all awhile I was (and dont get at me for this!) texting and not even looking at him! my ears perked up when i heard him talk about "communication" because i DO believe that communication is key in EVERY relationship no matter what type it is... and so my smartass said,

"well i'm communicating right now as we speak? thanks to technology i'm multitasking and communicating to 2 people at the same time"

then my conscience reminded me that i was being a complete hypocrite because i remember saying in a previous blog that multitasking reduces the quality of your outcome..

and with that being said, does that mean this generation has lost their quality?

perhaps.

i still believe in traditional etiquette, however. no cell phones at the table or while conversating one-on-one with someone.

i am such a hypocrite >_<. anywho, first step is to recognize it [check], second step: execute it. note to whoever i talk to: please feel free to remind me of this blog if i pull out my phone while talking to you. .... heh

and back to reality it is!

say whaa?

2009-11-29T19:53:00.000-08:00

who?

me?
nahh.

i had no idea!

2009-11-25T22:57:00.000-08:00

I WILL NOT COMPROMISE MY DREAMS JUST BECAUSE THE ECONOMY SUCKS RIGHT NOW

passionate

2009-11-18T00:43:00.000-08:00

i'm currently still stuck in this identity-crisis stage of my life trying to figure out exactly what it is i'm passionate about. with a lifestyle where simplicity is key, i've become used to being plain jane that i've covered up what is unique about me. yes; i said "covered up". that means somewhere inside of me, or "under my cover", is something that hasn't emerged yet. [or shall i say, hasn't matured yet?] Either way, i'm not quite sure exactly what it is, where it is, how to find it, or how to bring it out but i'm verymuch determined at my 21years of age to find what makes me different! and THAT right there... has gotta be something that i'm passionate about.

what the heck could that be?!

-_-

slowly climbing up the ladder, i'll need a shitload of patience and determination. time is my motivation.. coz i'm only getting older by the second and things are moving by faster than they seem. [like my sister for instance]. =T.

dont bore me with your "be a nurse" crap.. please!

*rolls eyes*

[no offense to those trying to be a nurse]

anywho, take a look at these guys:

eyewriter.org

they've taken something that they were passionate about, [art, for example] and transformed it [with their ability to hack and use their own creativity] into something beneficial.. not only for the public, but to those who might not have everything in their life. i freakn love it.

so i guess you can say

i'm in search to find

what is mine

i've always wanted to..

2009-11-05T00:14:00.000-08:00

me n my bestfriend cassandra used to always talk about going off to third-world countries to help the less fortunate and minister to them. but, we were thinking oh, maybe when we're in our late 20's or something.. and of course when the money in our pockets will be sufficient.

luckily, just this past sunday, my fellow churchmate Julian pointed out this ad in my church's newsletter.

my eyes lit up. a window of opportunity! i thought, perhaps this can finally turn into a reality! so i skimmed through the ad, and at the bottom i saw that there was a price tag.

[choke] quadruple digits. $$$$. before january 24th of 2010.

best to save now. asap.

-the question is.. is this doable? you know it. anything is possible. [thanks to phil.4:13].

-the factors are..

1) january comes after december, and in december there lies the holiday aka Christmas. Christmas gift$, will be deducted from this trip.

2) work. hours + amount spent on gas & food.. deducted as well.

3) school. o_o the 24th-31st of january happens to land on the second week of the new quarter. i could always email my teachers...

-yet consider the fact that i've saved enough for a brand new macbookpro, AND managed to get a new cell phone around the same time... it's like taking my motivation to the next level. india.

i'm down. seriously, down. i'm anxious to know what people have to say about this. it's a huge decision to make. and veryy far away from the u.s. any thoughts? insights? word of advice? warnings? requests?

btw,

paula white this friday! soooo excited =]

i will GLADLY take any donations towards my trip to hyderabad, india! make checks payable to Cheryl Baclit and/or give me a call and we can discuss financial arrangements. thank you all for your consideration and have a splendid night ;)

never done before

2009-10-29T22:18:00.000-07:00

[sorry for the lag!]

drafted on 092809, posted: today

birthday update!

cassandra is officially 21

the Quattro! =) now starring: Nia !

we missed you sooo much. welcome back. =)

did i ever mention, that i love the airport?

haha...

yes. this is a classroom.

heat + traffic = angry drivers

beauuuutifull

the pier

and of course, Carne Asada Fries. =]some famous pizza place

that had the most exquisite peanut-butter boner pizza ever!

"dtf"
"i'll take your suggestion"

*ahh* nighttime

outdoors
you gotta squint to see it
so, what's the point of a waitress?
i'm famous! [hah]
i like palm trees okay

then shortly after...

"i used to catch those with daddy when i was younger and we'd add it to the pond.. as pets"

new phones <3

uh.. lets get drunk at a museum?

a little disappointed they were stuffed, but i was more attracted to the aquarium..

(first 3 via blackberry)
the jellyfish were my favorite.
so basically we were lookin at animals with drinks in our hands hahagotta have a turtle just so you can get a visual, i can fit in it's stomach

security guard sneaked us some tix to the trippy planetarium^_^

long lasting

2009-10-08T02:28:00.000-07:00

flavor. no matter how much gum we chew, none of them last forever. the flavor goes away.

(this was my favoriteee kind of gum as a kid)

take a simple object, like gum for example. you undergo a process while chewing it, yes? let me tell you what the process is.

1) chew to release flavor crystals hidden within

2) tastebuds dance in sync with the flow of saliva

3) flavor overload!

4) chew for granted

5) flavor fades...

6) spit out.

7) repeat or switch to gobstoppers.

yes THATS what happens when you chew gum. now relate that to your life. good bye

blowin in the right wind

2009-10-05T09:46:00.000-07:00

i feel weird.

djtiesto's got me daydreaming. thinking. [no, i'm not on e. nor have i tried it]. a few conversations with people out of my norm got my brain thinking.. in the past few months, there's been a change. subconsciously, without my knowing. recently.. i'd wake up and feel soooo awkward. first thought that comes to my head is: "i think i'm maturing..."

dont laughhh >_<

i can already see you laughing through the screen. it's not that kind of maturing.. i meant like, i'm not as interested in certain things like i used to be? the things i used to pass, are now the things i love? like the taro root in my sinigang, for example. nom. ^_^. the things i used to love, are just.. plain to me. the more i've experienced, the more it's gonna take to hype me up. "oh, again? party and drinks? nahh but thanks tho". "but so-and-so is going and there's a dj and ...."

yea im not interested. boredom is my only motivation to go.

i guess this is another form of being spoiled. excessive indulgence has damaged the quality of my weekends. a different crowd sounds enticing.. but that takes time. i've tried it and it's almost like the same thing over again, just different faces.

i'm surprisingly chill about this whole deal. someone once said, "sounds like you're settling down". i guessss? if you put it that way its as if i'm old, wrinkly, and married?! hah, i'm neither of those. i believe there's a time and place for everything.

have you ever considered the fact that time IS on your side?

i'm content chillin alllll dayyy baby.

down for anything & everything life has to offer. =)

one day at a time.

never lose hope!

no seriously, keep the change.

2009-09-21T02:58:00.000-07:00

PET PEEVE EPIPHANY
when people hand back your cash with the change on top

it's prone to falling! it's unstable! your attempt to multitask one-handedly has officially made the customer experience harder... now the customer has to balance the change to keep it from the rules of gravity, figure out a place to put the damn change, use the other hand to get the stuff that was purchased [not to mention the receipt], put their wallet back to it's habitat, AND walk off so the next person in line can go through the same confusing experience.

THANK YOU VISA/MASTERCARD/BLINK for making life so much easier!

CASH-ONLY PLACES
catch on with technology! stop trying to hide from taxes! it's making your environment a better place to live in!*

(*well, that was the intended idea of taxing.. i could comment more on that but i'll have to get back on that subject another day)

why was change even INVENTED?! wallets are now thicker in size because of the added coin purse embedded inside the wallet. it never holds all your change anyways, it almost always overflows!

the only exception is if the tip jar is in front of the register. then change on top of cash would make TOTAL sense. other than that...

"keep the change"

when you really want something...

2009-09-14T21:04:00.000-07:00

you go and get it.= determination. [complete with snow leopard & a free itouch that i got engraved]

when calculating how many hours you have to work in order to Get what you want, of course you have to include the un/necessary factors such as gas, food, utilities, urges to shop, etc.. but when you really WANT something.. you've gotta make sacrifices. sort out your priorities, and put it into action. thank god. finally. i feel accomplished.

NEXT PROJECT!

not a victim.

2009-09-10T23:59:00.000-07:00

So what if it hurts me

So what if i break down

So what if this world just throws me off the edge

My feet run out of ground

I gotta find my place

I wanna hear my sound

Don’t care about all the pain in front of me

Cause I’m just trynna be happy

Just wanna be happy

[updates soon! stay tuned!]

=)

2009-08-22T20:52:00.000-07:00

don't stop now

2009-08-13T15:36:00.000-07:00

maybe i shouldn't feel "left behind". i'm just sick of being a work in progress.. i feed myself with optimistic common quotes like, "getting there!" or "it's never too late" or "atleast you're prepared for next time", just to name a few. i wanna be finished already! ackk. -_-. impatience got the best of me, but my hope for the future keeps me looking forward. so i put my head up high, quit wondering why, and i accept it for what it is. I AM ALMOST THERE.

-project mac, you're finna be dunzo by september. watch.-

it is what it is, beeitch!

much love,
cheryl's hope

flush

2009-08-07T03:38:00.000-07:00

can't sleep; work at 930.

a little something from playing 13 with the heffas: puttin up a front will only beat around the bush.

stop thinkin about how to play your cards and put a fuckin card down already. you'll be closer to winning with less cards in your hands anyway. that is.. unless you have a bad card.

dont pass up an opportunity to use your 2 of Hearts.

pet-peeve : closedmindedness

jambananaman!

2009-07-30T12:08:00.000-07:00

whenever i get something good,
i like to share.

(so does jamba)

http://www.summerblissisback.com/eb7/sbbg7.html

blissfully sip ^_^

2009-07-13T00:47:00.000-07:00

independence day 09

bevmo; $25.
we knew traffic would be crazy.. so we took a ride on bart. smaaart

the pier was filllllllled with people just walkin around, lounging n whatnot. The crowd followed the sparks in the sky; us included. Henny, stoges, walkin around the pier, hotdogs wrapped with bacon and grilled onions, fireworks... what more can you ask for? That feel-good vibe; i felt comfortable. We chilled in the middle of the street on an island by 2 white girls.. they seemed cool so we offered them some of our henn. They took snapshots of this memory for us and i am forever thankful. Lost my fedora in the midst of buzzness. =\.

On the sidelines, we witnessed a homeless man getting his guitar hit by a rude pedestrian. He was accused of hitting on the pedestrian's gf, so the dude hit the homeless man's guitar and the homeless man smashed the remains (might as well) as he stormed off in anger. Who would seriously do that??! That's FUCKED up. I refuse to see a homeless man's prized posession get smashed by someone who was far more Better Off than he was. Fucked up. Got me heated for sec!

When the beautiful finale finished, back to bart and fremont-bound we went. =)

070509; bday planning.

"rach you should have a bbq at this park or something."

"all my friends are in la or vacation. plus this is so far"

"so what are you gonna do for your bday?"

"i dont knowwwww.."

To me, an arguement is like a rushed-communicator; whatever it was that you held inside has finally exploded out in the form of anger. This way, both parties can finally accomplish one of the Top Most Important Things In any Relationship: Understanding.

Sure, your heartbeat, bloodpressure, and anger must've increased by 1000x's, but atleast you're getting your point across. i guess.

be: it pains me to see a friend
be: not live to the potential we all know we saw.
itz: i know all this but for some reason it's just not a good enough motivator for me
itz: i dont wanna be here - ok. i dont wanna be like them - ok.
itz: and what
be: i guess you need to find whatever it is that you would die for
be: really, that is what passion is about
itz: a boyfriend -_- pfft
be: whatever it is you're pasionate about, you'd be willing to sacrifice yourself
be: for the better of other people

the question still remains. "What do you want to do in life?" ... *shrugs, kicks rocks*...

-sigh-. past few weeks i've been kawawa trynna figure this shit out. college deadlines by the end of july.. i've just been lagging coz of this cloud of confusion that's been following me throughout my days. so i look above for clarity and direction... hoping that sunday morning could get me closer to what i'm trying to reach

Sunday Morning; 071209

"objects appear closer than they appear"

Mirrors are reflections of the truth. If what you see is truth, then The Book is like a reflection. it all depends on your perception and perspective.

mark 4:35 they were on a boat and He was on it with them. their "perception" was Him and only Him, until the storm came.. by human nature, their perception switched to the storm.. totally missing the point that if He is with you, you aint got shit to worry about! storm or not, He is with you always. and so they focused on how the storm was affecting their boat.. in the meantime He was sitting there calmly observing. and they asked Him, "Don't you care if we drown?"

In times of hardship, we tend to look up and ask "Don't you care?". You already know, of course He does. so why didn't he stop you from making a big deal out of what really is nothing?

So He replied, "Why are you so afraid? Do you still have no faith?"

Come to think about it, when the storm hit, I guess my focus was on myself. Worried that if i dont get this shit figured out, i'm screwed! Little did i see, He was with me all along. He was with me in the boatride, before the storm, during the storm, and after. He didn't stop it from happening and he won't stop every storm either.. nor will he save me from the whole experience every time.

Fear, loss, confusion.. etc.. they can change your perception on life. Those things make us lose our perception of our whole purpose being here. We are not here to get shitted on or fucked over by life's issues. He's teaching you to overcome .. to be a better person.

My faith has just increased 1. =)

-4:22am sorry gotta cut this short i got work at 9:30sunnyvale fuuuuuuck! i'll add more to this later, gnites.

Cockiness Has No Game

2009-07-01T13:55:00.000-07:00

yes, that's right. i came across an instance this past weekend where i realized that high amounts of arrogance can lead to inactivity.

"wtf why hasn't he made the first move yet?! do i have to initiate it?! did i do something wrong??"

hunny hunnyy... chill, chill. there can be a plethora of reasons why he didn't do anything at all. i can think of 5 from the top of my head:

1) too comfortable aka lazy
2) hasn't crossed his mind
3) shy
4) that's just not him aka non-traditional
5) thinks too highly of himself aka cocky

so what do you do in this situation? what happens when cocky sits next to shy? nobody will ever make a move, then it eventually dies. but all along there could've been potential...

just because you think something will happen, doesn't mean it will. Do something about it. we're not mind-readers. maybe a cheesy-ass line from the book of cupcaking, a wink, a conversation ending with a phone number, swag, an invite to coffee.. anything of your creativity will work! i think cockiness is like a shy person making up excuses for why he/she hasn't made a move yet.

you aint goin nowhere with that state of mind.

step your game up. never less!

@work

2009-06-26T10:43:00.000-07:00

living on this side of the bay definitely has a different vibe.. people of opposite colors pass by and each culture is present in their swag. [haha i hope i used that right] i've come to find that i'm content with being on this side of the bay, even if it's only 20mins away from home. you can tell from my past blogs i've been homesick, but i think this few weeks has to be my longest away from uc. basically...

i'm gooooood. =]

fridays are busy at the bank! payday for everyone, and withdrawing for the weekend ahead. i'm just about ready to crash nigga im bout to get sushi tonight, uc-bound in a litt'o bit.

to you: stop being disrespectful and maybe you'll get some respect back.

method to the madness

2009-06-06T03:52:00.000-07:00

it's late, almost 4am and i have work at 830 in sunnyvale. can't seem to sleep.

xanga version; 060609

blogger; 060609

people make plans, and plans never turn out the way they're supposed to. plans make expectations, and expectations can lead to unhappy results.

things are sooo much better when they come out naturally, i can't emphasize that anymore than i've done already..

then there's "plan b". [no, not the pill] plan b literally means

"an alternate or fall-back position or method when the initial attempt or plan goes wrong."

sounds like a plan

what went wrong?

let's Random. =)

"technically"

2009-06-01T01:12:00.001-07:00

havent updated coz i havent learned anything new lately

HAHA!

jk.

i've had new experiences though. =)

stay tuned.

trouble at it's ripest season. ;]

edit: 1105pm.

"see attached".

alright so i should totally be studying but i can't study with shit on my mind. i mean *things, sorry. excuse the language. it's been awhile since i really felt for someone. i didn't want to have feelings for anyone, and i hate to say it but that actually was my goal for awhile.

hence the myspace song.

sure, my friends are my "mains", my "lovers", my "girls".. but i have those days.. you know those days... days where you want to just.. be

[lets just be - ne yo]

i've been daydreaming lately. more dreamy than usual. to the point where i'm scared about the future. not just the future in general, but i meant where my heart will be in the future

so i tell myself,

love fearlessly.

i was doing fine, playing it safe. there is nothing extremely good nor bad with being Neutral. but how long can you stay neutral for when something finds its way to you? life has sooo many surprises, obstacles, signs.. every day a brand new day.

i'll ride the rollercoaster

i can't just pretend. i can't just stay neutral. i gotta keep moving. i may trip, i may fall, i may even be sidetracked, but i'll get a goooood lesson learned out of it. thank god for non-stagnant waters. =)

a better Bonnie in the making ;]

money honey

2009-05-19T11:57:00.000-07:00

i know you're starting to feel it too.

summer, that is
after months of assiduous re-evaluation of finding the right environment,
i'm like a chameleon who hasn't quite perfected this shade of color. ? at this rate, i'm tweakin a rainbow

and lovin it. =) although i do have my homesick days, boredom is my motivation. [thnx manda]

i just dont fully understand how some people can sit in the same place for hours, days, years? union city is still my "hometown", but it's about time to disperse.

the temperature's rising, and so are emotions. [i've said that in a previous blog haha] it's time to get out and time to step out of my comfort zone and fuckn go for it.

"goooo forrrr itttt!!" - down for anything & everything =D. !

hahaha .. get ready for an epic summer!

all i am.

2009-05-17T18:57:00.000-07:00

i'm scared .

sittin patient, steady waiting.
tired of frontin' like everything's okay.

who am i kidding."hahaha, don't worry. being indecisive isn't a bad thing, it just shows you're open-minded."

dear god,
show me what it is you want me to see.

this looks actually worth going to:

come with me.

btw, tomorrow's my first day at Chase. i'm nervous. i'm still in uc. i have a headache. I..... really don't care for companies that require a mask.

i miss these guys.
i wanna get turtles again. i just feel like im ready to take care of something..

i'm leaving soon. hope that'll relieve you. all of you.

this heat is pissin me off. woosah, beeitch. woosah.

AGHH you're pissin me off too

relief

show me what you got

2009-05-16T10:47:00.000-07:00

bad things tend to happen when you're bored.

fyi guys,

keep your girl entertained. ;P

[now tell me yall can't give an amen to that]

anyway, they dont know you

like i do

theyll never know you

question. - response.

what's up? - "haha!" or "oh really?!"

oh, with who? - "her, she, and we"

look.

i really don't care what you did, or who you were with

tell me about YOU.

can you tell i'm bored?

oh, sorry.. it must be hard to distinguish it, with sheer layers of a flirtatious assumptions, an open[late] flexible schedule, an ear to listen, scarce interference, and a smile like that, deeeeyum girl!

tell me something i don't know!

haven't i said that in a previous blog?!?!?!

i still need a hug?

from sam's.

"Have you ever been in love? Horrible, isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens your heart and it means someone can get inside you and mess you up. You build up all these defenses. You build up this whole armor, for years, so nothing can hurt you, then one stupid person, no different from any other stupid person, wanders into your stupid life...You give them a piece of you. They don't ask for it. They do something dumb one day like kiss you, or smile at you, and then your life isn't your own anymore. Love takes hostages. It gets inside you. It eats you out and leaves you crying in the darkness, so a simple phrase like 'maybe we should just be friends' or 'how very perceptive' turns into a glass splinter working its way into your heart. It hurts. Not just in the imagination. Not just in the mind. It's a soul-hurt, a body-hurt, a real gets-inside-you-and-rips-you-apart pain. I hate love"

beat that

you know,

it doesn't take much to make another person happy. or smile, at least. remember, it's the simple things that mean oh-so-much more. =)

like tapioca, for example.

going with amanda & roach.

bye!

i'm so homesick!

2009-05-14T01:44:00.000-07:00

staying local, with family and friends. oh how i miss home..

comfortable, convenient, and love - of course. *sigh*

picture overload this time!

if you notice you're going to the same restaurant, ordering the same thing every single time you go there.. might as well diy!
voila - mango shrimp! thanks to grandma's lovely cooking. she always makes improv taste good =).
so before, i honestly wasn't much into these.. then after going to annie's bday awhile back and tasting her homemade oyster dip; MAN that was good. =) now i don't pass these up!hah, grandma's like, "Cheryl's getting older.. she likes oysters now" hahaha.. i guess? does the consumption of oysters determine maturity? another hypothesis i must attempt to prove. hahaha.

rachel's "if i ruled the world" face"it's okay to dream"

herra random night. bf nia came by and we just drove like there was no tomorrow. surprised visited kessy at her work - which was closed when we got there -__-. hungry - jack's. dj calls - met up with The Guys at Dj's. simon remembers nia, hahaha. seriously tho, its been like 5 years wtf.

kessy calls - and we take the looooongest detour to her; getting lost on 92 and stopping by industrial off baumberg to chill by the sprinklers. ahhhhh i miss nia! ^_^. finally we get to kessy's thing in hayward. the people were gone, but the party wasn't over. lol. totally filipino-ing it, we karaoke'd and that's when i heard a rooster. yeah. a rooster.

"do you... have a loud alarm clock in the garage, or is that a rooster??"

"yeah, they have a rooster! wanna see?"

wtf..

pre-mother's day eating spree.

newark just opened a new buffet place with the most awesome food. chillin with OG

and of course, salmon sashimi. spoiled brat.

2pm

across the street @ newark park.

tony's birthday. =)

happy 21st tones =)

then, drove to gabe's kick-it(?) [sorry no pics.] that was definitely an interesting experience lol. but hey, theres a first for everything, right? never knew he could stay on a bacon joke thaaat long.. hahaha

and THEN, picked up nick, went to visit bf kessy. as usual, she's hungry. so we grab a bite at tgi's. then of course she wants dessert. .. free dessert.

let's just pretend it's nick's bday..FREE ICE CREAMhahahaha! =P

ATTEMPTED to create a mother's day picture in the fabric section of walmart. too bad their photo center is closed on weekends... -_-

mother's day 09.

mom likes thai.so does this onedaddy = star trek nerd. then he got me into it too, when i was younger. so me n daddy have been watching star trek for quite sometime and THIS is the GREATEST thing that has ever happened!

THE MOVIE!!! new characters, but exxxcellent acting! plus, chris pine is a hottie =) im at the edge of my seat throughout the movie and there are a few references to morality which we can relate. =) we tried.
"hey you should eat your pho""oh please"

oh yea. we're getting our carpet removed. downstairs only. turn it into tiles. you know what that means...... =) =) =)
the ladies:
gabe's bday.
studied. went with him to get his lobes. ate. [btw, i wanna get my cartilage done again!] went to visit sam at newpark. she's my secret lover. ;D. then BJ's! my camera was dying =T sorrryyy. see gabe's for pics. happy 21st =)

sam's bday.
after bio, [yes, cupertino] i went straight to newark sbux to meet up with the beautiful sam. all dressed up, SURPRISE leland and nick show up. off to tgi's...

[no pics yet sorray!]

hahaha sam had hella drinks but nevertheless happy 21st sammy! <3.>

i miss being home =(. roach in the passenger seat lip syncing to the radio and getting tap, seeing The Trio, The Guys... =( man. santa clara and cupertino dont have those things! buttttt i guess it's better this way. i need my fun.. in moderation. everyone's turning 21!!

oh but being 21 is only the start of it.. hahaha ;P

paranoid

2009-05-12T13:45:00.000-07:00

kanye.

btw, happy birthday to my 'lesbo lover' Sam =)

WHO LOVES ORANGE SODA?
i love coca cola!

currently taking a break from reality to update my fellow blog readers about my whereabouts. do they care? [i will never know.]

alright. so here's the plan, mmkay?

1)cupertino [x]
2)uc [x]
3)sunnyvale []
4)cupertino []
5)uc []
6)santa clara []

how the heck. i drive like no other. gimme an ipod fm transmitter or eh i might as well buy myself a deck with the ipod outlet when i get my first paycheck.

i'm in that shopping-mood coz it's been awhile.

andddd i still need to update. lots of pics coming up.

let's ride =)

sometimes,

2009-05-06T00:32:00.000-07:00

I just want a hug

faith roots run deep

2009-05-04T20:36:00.000-07:00

question(s): What happens to offspring during a fight? How do you control it?

hypothesis: If there is a Pacquiao Fight, then babysitting + food is necessary.

materials: pacquiao fight, parentals that provide the kids, food, camera.

procedure: 1) turn on the tv to HBO, 2) have parentals sit & watch, 3) have kids roam around the house freely, 4) eat, 5) observe

observations:
initial boredom. (that's jamie; she has an eyepatch on. she needs it to fix her "ice")increased movement in musical environment.subjects were taught lessons, skills, and discipline. they were obedient to their scientist-teacher: Rachelcreme-brulee snacks were fed.regulation. (all the girls standing in the line for the..)one subject refused to participate.energy renewal.one subject preferred whipped cream on top of her smoothie.
conclusion: subjects required constant activity and sugar in order for regulation to occur. the fight had nothing to do with their activities, however, go manny for finishing in 2 rounds!

050409

i know i shouldn't be online right now, but Im feelin like releasing some thoughts. don't worry, releasing thoughts isn't necessarily "venting". usually "venting" is referred to as the steam that comes out when Angry. psh, i'd get a diary/xanga for that. this, is a blog. and this, has purpose.

hmmmm where should i start.

with 2 tests tomorrow and a due date for a urine/fingerprints sample, i'm quite stressed for a Monday. lucky for me, a simple look to the ceiling and a glimpse of hope is all i need to keep me strong.

After taking a 1 month breather from blogging, I noticed a change in personality. Now, this could be due to the change of culture, the change of friends, or even the absence of friends.. or all of the above. I'm not quite sure, but I like it.

during that 1 month, I've gone to an 18+ club -_-, watched fanny pak perform, went to the entrance of a 21+ club, had my "friends" un-invite me to their events, yea fuck you, watched wolverine, was reunited with a long long best friend from 5 years ago, had absolutely no contact with a close someone, reunited with The Trio, got a person to go against their beliefs, switched roles with Cassandra, broke 2 hearts, threw up, got a new job that pays me more than my previous, found a cheap chevron close to the house, went on a date, and found out that there can be happiness in independence.

never said that there is.

overall, life is better. i've talked to my counselor too, and i finally have direction. WOOT

i'm slowly accepting of this new life, and i'm content with it. even despite the fact that there are downtimes =). it's in constant change, the way life should be.

I guess you can say.. i'm over drama, over typical shit, over being tied-back. I'm over it.

There are sooo many challenges in life that occur.. tests.. to further figure out who you are. Sorry but, sometimes you gotta figure things out the hard way. =T

edit: 050509. happy cinco de mayo.

alrightttt so those tests didnt go too well. that's fiine... i cried pretty much the rest of the day and sucked it in. i'm not giving up. no way. wouldn't want a chabot-experience again.

i just keep telling myself;

ANYTHING is possible.

"backs to the past"

one weekend, different people.

2009-03-30T17:40:00.000-07:00

don't mess with my head.

your shit won't work on me.

nope!

relax.

finals are done and i've finished my first quarter at de anza. it's officially spring break.. and i'm ready to get out. i love driving with no agenda.

one of my other loves is tapioca express. [fashooo!]. so i hit up tap, grab a classic milk tea and some squid. i love the squid okay don't hate! anywho, after that quick food-satisfaction, off to quizno's. i started to go off on a tangent about household families. your current household family status can tell you a lot about a person. take for example a little girl who grew up without a daddy. mothers comfort, daddies take the management position. (in a perfect world). [speaking of that, keri hilson's new album is the SHIT!] anywho, without a daddy to set the rules, that little girl will be so accustomed to mother's comforting.. therefore, = spoiled brat! poor girl, did she know that daddy had to leave? nope. mommy's gonna have to do this on her own. i feel for those families... not everyone is perfect. hang in there.. that little girl will grow up eventually.

clean out.
i wasn't exactly prepared to go clubbing or party on a friday night because it seems like ever since i started college, Thursdays and Saturdays are the new "Fridays". so what does that leave for college students on friday nights? 18+ clubs? heck no. trust me, there are way more things to do than go clubbing all the time, or hang out at starbucks everynight of that matter.

i never had the chance to check out downtown hayward. trees were lit by strings of lights all throughout the strip. looking left to right, theres a unique store or restaurant i never heard of. plazas get a little tiring and repetitive after awhile, if you catch my drift. this aint no union landing, that's for sure.

went to a italian restaurant on the strip and zomg their conchiglie is the freakn Best i ever tasted man, the portion was just right, the chicken was tender, the broccoli was a little scarce though, and the cream sauce omfg yum! thanks for the food.

took some old shit out my car. [thanks] even though it's free, i'd rather not keep something that isn't mine. purely out of respect for other people's things. if i really wanted it, i'd rather earn my own money to call it my own. just a cheryl thing.

[remind me to insert pictures]

comfort.

i respect my past, but i won't disrespect myself. meaning... i'll have an open ear for anyone in need, but i'd prefer not to be.. (hmm.. how shall i say this..) used?

anyway, went to the beach finally. it's the best place to release your thoughts, without having anyone around. just clear skies, and waves..

passed by a mall that was FILLED with filipinos. omfg i never seen so many in my life. guess which mall?it's sad how they "advertise" animals. they might change the words up a bit; "For Adoption". but really, it means "For Sale"=( poor yorkie.

family time.

my cousins came down from LA to visit. oh how much they've grown.. oh how much I'VE grown.. o_o

rachel's about to pass me up in height! wtf! haha. i was kneeling a little bit in that pic tho.

are you relevant?

woke up at 11:03am on a sunday and called immediately. "where are you? ! i just woke up!" "an exit away." whew. we still have time. today, was Paula White. and oh my, were we in for a surprise.

(that's her.)

she's awesome. fantasmic. great. ^_^.

this is what she shared..

being relevant is the ability to connect/relate to a situation. it consists of 3 parts; connection, compassion, and cover. [sounds weird, but it'll make sense.]

1) connection.

you are not alone. (duh). as humans, sure - we may have our differences that define us for who we are, but we're basically the same. it's just a matter of looking at the big picture, rather than the details. you could say oh, he's not the one! the grass is greener on the other side! niggaplease. the grass is greener where you water it.

2) compassion.

there is a clear distinction between sympathy and empathy. sympathy is where you feel exactly what the other is going through, due to experience n whatnot.. but Empathy, on the other hand, is imagining/understanding/intellectual identification for another person's thoughts. Feel for that person, put yourself in their shoes. you can give your advice, but the real advice is yourself. your life is the sermon.

no matter who it is, no matter what they're going through, love them anyways. [reference to first blog entry]. you can say "i been through this, you don't understand that".. but what you've Done is not who you Are. with that said, your examples can only go so far. another person's decisions are not your responsibility.

3) are you covered?being covered is the feeling of being safe, valued, protected. in times of crisis, whatever is inside of you will come out. naturally, it happens. right? each "crisis" is like an opportunity.. just when something great is about to happen, the worse comes to worst. perfect! don't fight the process. stop reacting, and start responding. god's positioning you for something great, whether it be a breakthrough or a slight change in your life, an upgrade... that's exactly the perfect timing for a crisis.. because something was meant to come out of you. this is where You become relevant.

on another note, i've come to dislike smooth sailing because it's like being in stagnant waters; nothing changes, nothing is improving. it almost worries me when everything is going just fine...

if you don't Know better, you won't Do better. ex.: if all you know is one option, then that's what you get. nothing more, nothing less. if you surround yourself with what you Don't Know, check yourself - you might come to realization.

no matter what you're going through, no matter what humanistic "earthly" thoughts you might possess, god still loves you. =)

so do i.

all the things you went through, prepares you.

Ready for the ride?

;)

cleaning

2009-03-27T17:01:00.000-07:00

under construction.
needs more pictures
less repetition
more New shit
less bullshit
more realshit

r i p conrado j barba.

21st; recap

2009-03-25T11:24:00.000-07:00

it is currently finals week and i feel like blogging to release a few thoughts that have slowly built up in my head this past month.

march 12th 2009 - my 21st birthday.

went to school and had a quick debate about internet's usefulness with communication. note to boys: don't ever get at a girl by passing your phone to her and have a text of what you were to have said in person but was too shy to do so. it's just wrong. i shake my head in shame. in terms of "communication", in-person is always the best way to go. after that, left cupertino & headed to yoswirl. thanks for the news; i can't tell whether to be happy or sad..

HELLLA rushed home and showered super late. manda & kessy came to help me get pretty. ty =). first & foremost, thank you all for attending. =) i love having all my close friends there, even if you're all from different groups. basically, that whole section i had reserved at tomodachi's showed all the many sides of cheryl; each table representing a "side". lol. i love that though; variety, diversity. not just one specific and possibly biased group - it's a mix. ^_^ oh, and thank you to those who got me sakebombs and to kevs who bought the me & the whole table's food. haha =)

surprisingly after that night i didnt do shit. i felt like chillin? and that's what i did; w/ bffs amanda & kessy. i wanted to save the yackin' for another awesome night. hahaha =). special thanks to amanda & kessy for helping me get ready the hour my bday started haha. [i was super late] and thanks to all for the gifts =). being 21 didnt hit me that night. or even the next night. it semi-hit me on saturday; i'll get back to you on that though.

march 13th; rhian's 21st.

rhian was so silly on her bday. too bad i missed out on the yack-scene in the karaoke room, but i still came through. i liked rhian's thing though, a karaoke room is all you need to have fun =D. hahaha. really though! if you all know the songs then it's all g! haven't seen a few of these people in awhiiiiiile... from L-R: tyson; 's leaving for sd soon. i; look fugly. angela; since 5th grade zomg! danny; he's gay. kessy; bff blinked. haha. there are more pics w/ bday girl but in other people's cameras.. =(. i brought mine, but left the battery in the charger at daddy's house. =(. funstuff though, never thought i remembered spicegirls and britney spears' lyrics lol. i mean seriously, if you have fun doing that and your friends sing along with you; you can have a good-ass time! hahaha. it's oldschool stuff, and i miss it ever-so.

march 14th; what a fckn agenda.

woke up and went to mccormick&shmick's for lunch. yum & thank you. got a disturbing-yet-exciting phonecall from daddy, saying "go to dnb's". after the lunch, i find out daddy had a surprise bday for me at dnbs with my cuzzos + fam. i totally rocked at pool that day. hahaha. daddy's side is so much more fun. yes i have 1/2white cousins. lol kirk
og'skinda blurry but those were the girlies playing pool. me n nancy totally won.

THEN we watched watchmen. thumbsdown for the blueman. omg he was so horrible. and the ending. i applaud the characters though, my favorite was rorschach. BEST SCENE goes to rorschach's prison cafeteria scene: "You're all locked in here with ME" zomg was aweeeeesomeeeee!! hahaha. i loved his character. very reserved with a hidden dominance to him. all of it is complete confidence in one view of life: HIS. go watch that scene tho bluh.

ate @ the coconut grove then straight to uc.

entourage @ motif downtown sj.

kessy & david drove down to uc then kessy decides to grab a lil suttin-suttin at kaenyama's off automall. i met her kuya mark, an awesome guy who has a hellofa lot of hookups. lucky for us, drinks were on the house =). we paid for the sushi and headed to motif. we almost didn't go due to current events that made us feel down, but for the sake of the night, we pushed forward. we get there and the club across the street apparently looked crackin' [wet], but they were so packed that we couldn't get in.

so we're in motif and it seemed dead. couple mins pass, and some asian dude starts to chat w/ us. "you want something to drink?" us: "^_^ " him: "okay". haaaaahahahha! so we drink and it still didnt seem satisfying enough. kessy says "i wonder what's upstairs..." so she works her magic and next thing i know we're fckn upstairs and its helllllla crackin!

hahaha.. asian dude [luan] introduces us to some of his friends and his homeboy robbie [my bad for calling you david? blame it on the -]. so we dance like baydestrians goin dumb in a ladylike fashion all night havin a fuckn blast. lol. btw, a note to girls: the guys dont grab you, they actually make-way for you. oh and you can dance w/ a drink in your hand. THAT is how you know you're at a 21+club! hahaha =). when the music died down, we went downstairs to chop it up w/ luan and robbie. they both seemed super cool so we offered to drive them to their car. said our goodbyes, and goodnight.

no pics tho, coz i cant find the photographer for that night. =( sawrry.

UPLOAD MORE LATER GNITE

everyday lifestyle

2009-03-10T00:04:00.000-07:00

just as my life was starting to get dull & blue, i closed my hands together and shut my eyes.

reassurance.

saturday there were options...

telly
open-mic
open house party

but instead i was bought by $55 to this thinger called an "Encounter". it's where people come up in front of a podium and discuss their life changing events in order to help YOU out.
ok no honestly they added in that god is with you always; no matter what. it might seem like AA to you, but i assure you, it's nothing like it. they passed out these little booklets that had the whole "idea" outlined for you, and of course complementary food & drinks. at the end of each "topic", we would pray. prayer is very hard to describe, but it's something along the lines of communication and acknowledging.

that whole deal lasted from 8-5, sitting next to mother and a whole bunch of other women. (the men had their own room.) everyone was older than me, mostly moms and single women .. and there was a point where everyone in the room cried atleast once, except me. i wondered, why am i not crying?! i feel it, but no tears? then a lady came from behind me n mom, and without knowing us she pinpointed our situation exactly and prayed with us. tears started to flow uncontrollably...

there was something about that experience that left me with a smile and a better mindset.. there will be better days with this in mind. =)

one word: refreshing.

how much is enough? where do you draw the line/ give up/ stop? should you ever give up? honestly, no. pussy. are there times where you have to stop? yes.

but DO you draw the line? what's holding you back? why is there a doubt in your head???

sometimes the situation at hand can be very upsetting, and people might want to stray from that. or they are just unaccepting of the real world scenario.. so, they say things that they didn't mean to say.

unfortunately for those on the other end, we will never know unless confronted - and i thank you for that.with that said, Do Your Thang. and i'll do mine.

lucky me, i turn legal this thursday. 21 ya beeeezyyy! i'm so excited. 21. i can officially order things off tv, walk into 21+ events without worrying, buy alcohol & get carded, go to vegas, and all that extra shnazz... care to join?

a slight change of thought. what is the American Dream? typically, we see happiness in family, success, and fame. what exactly does that mean though? first thoughts: 2 story house w/ a green lawn, a family with kids and a dog, and some ballin' ass cars parked on the driveway. ferraris, preferably. i found out that I currently reside in what is called a "track home". track homes are your typical 2 story houses that are the exact same-4 models that are closely built together and hardly distinct from each other.

if you think about it, most americans dream for the same thing - the same robot-like houses, the happyfamily, the money. how did we come about with that thought? tv? what the government sets up for us? the dream is easily drawn... like kb homes; efficient visions of success don't forget to make room for more? everyone can dream! dream the same thing! somewhere, aside from all the media and american androids who have persuaded you, there is a Real dream. you might want to step out of US boundaries to find it...

meanwhile, bff amanda pointed out about our ancestries. for the both of us, our families grew up with the mindset that 'we had it hard back in the days'. the life in our old countries was horrible; always cleaning, poor quality homes, maybe not even a home?, scruffy lifestyles, etc.. so we (family) moved to the US in hope of a better future, a better place to live with higher standards in quality - yes; that is why we are here. we show much more appreciation for these "robot-homes", and for those who are spoiled, (us), they show bore with "the everyday" in the US, when really it's such an honor to be here

i dunno if that made any sense. whatevers. next topic:

newly downloaded: google chrome. (www.google.com/chrome)

i have been using avant browser for 3? years now, and i still think avant is the fastest browser i've had, minus the lag of my uber old man-made computer. internet explorer is by far the slowest, and i haven't used mozilla enough to know it's capabilities.. but this new chrome thing is quite interesting. it reminds me of apple products. hella easy to use, simple/minimal design, does the zooming thing. and personally, i like it. it's still undergoing some upgrades and loading might be a little slow - then again that depends on your computer speeds n such. check it out; if anything you can always remove it later. =]

**** 4 stars!

Some Foods Yum Nom-Nom

the other day i found yet another yogurt place by my school: diy yogurt.

that was from the parking lot. sorry. i got a mix of green tea and original with strawberries and mochi. i tried it and zomg the green tea reminded me of red mango's =x! RED MANGO IS MY FAVORITE YOGURT PLACE coz their greentea one is not too sweet, not too sour! yay for local yogurt shops! diy is cheap too. heyyy =]this right here is cafe zen's "heaven". the guys always get this. it's so wonderfully special that i can't disclose it's true name. but, i can tell you, it sure tastes like "Heaven".

rachel bonking her head on a ?brick. guess which game it's from?

have a nice day. thank you for your time

birthday part2 in the wrx

twist, with force

2009-03-05T12:16:00.000-08:00

my head's thinkin,
if i could,
i would grab you by the neck,
throw your face down on the cement,
step on your face,
and twist

but i'm not gonna do it.

i'll tell everybody right now.
don't ever
let anyone
ANYONE.
mistreat you.
treat others,
the way
you want to be treated.

i agree.

2009-02-24T01:58:00.000-08:00

"being blunt isn't always the best way of being a romantic" -g

THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT

2009-02-20T18:54:00.001-08:00

forget that last blog;
i'm out

i stand.. your ground.

2009-02-18T23:11:00.000-08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH F YOUUUU

srsly.
you're pullin my sleeve.
i hate feeling this way; whatever you call it.
Ms. for-the-meantime
hah! f that.
okayyy sorryyyy. i'm cynical, k?
can't blame me for feelin this way.
how do i act? how do i deal? WHY do i deal?
the ball is not in my court this time around.
how did i lose control? why?

this is definitely a new feeling, a new kind of cheryl that i've never seen. i'm way lost and disarray more than ever to the point where i just.. have no clue how to act. do i call? can i call? am i allowed to call? what am i? do i tell you who i'm with? can i go somewhere with you? can i go somewhere without you? the list goes on (whpshh!)

it makes me think. what'dd i dooo?? am i not good enough? why do i feel unwanted by you. what am i to you? you've degraded my name to just another girl. i wanted to try harder.. surprise you with the little things.. but now i dont even want to. i lost hope. the girl shouldn't be in this position. i'm more hurt than i am mad. honestly.

fake fake fake fake fake used used used used used f you f you f you f you f you

conscience says forget it. time is limited. why bother. you give more than you get. treat others the way you'd like to be treated.

second conscience says honey, you never lost control. you can get anything you want. sky's the limit, or shall i say clubs & parties...

no, babygirl. youre better than that. keep your chin up, and dont settle for less.

safe: cheryl, you rule, that is all

i guess?

2009-02-17T03:24:00.000-08:00

I HATE the way you're making me feel right now.
I HATE not knowing what's going on in your head.
I HATE false hope.
I HATE your not knowing how to deal.
I HATE how i told myself i was going to be the best gf to my next bf; who happened to be you.
I HATE how you walk away from it.
I HATE your jab,
I HATE my shield.
I HATE how you're all talk.
I HATE what i put into it.
I HATE dressing up for nothing.
I HATE knowing the end.
I HATE no calls, no shows.
I HATE how you're closed up.
I LOVE how it doesn't matter to me anymore

i'm single bitch;
and I LOVE how you're all reading this.

"and now you know!"

"put your braveface on"

2009-02-15T19:29:00.000-08:00

chin up. wipe your fuckn tears. try again.

don't settle. move

thursday (warriors vs. blazers) friday (no pics yet)

saturday (valentine-less + pool + venus + dj's)

and i dressed up too!

she was sad at first, but uuuber happy later. i'm happy for you du! =)

sunday (church + happi house)

i'm in a position i didn't want to be in. -_-
guards up!

ps.
i'll be in defense mode for awhile.

it's the people you hang out with

2009-02-08T16:36:00.001-08:00

2009-02-06T03:15:00.000-08:00

oh cherylll

this is hard for me.. i dont want to nag or be a bother..

dear god,

i know i live in a world where things can get crazyhecticmad. and, i've come to realize that i can't do this alone. (psychologically speaking). i admit, i need some sort of guidance.. direction... a goal.... and i know you have a pre-made path for me. like a dove, you give me hope. so, i come to You to say this.. i ask you to lead me because i am ready. it may not be a clear or straight path. perhaps there are many stops along the way. perhaps there are detours and delays. maybe i might even run into toll booths and bad weather, but no matter what my trust is only in You. i look up to you; and i know you are with me. it's You, that makes me stronger. in jesus' name, i ask and pray. amen.

2009-02-05T00:03:00.001-08:00

041308

keep riding; continue writing

2009-01-28T02:19:00.000-08:00

what can you do. I mean, I'm stuck. like for example, say you're taking a test and you're not even close to the end but your time is almost up. instead of reading the questions conscientiously, you scan the questions in a hasty manner, answering them without a second thought, only relying on the luck of an educated guess. you're forced to finish. it's only best to keep with the test coz if you fake a stomach ache (aka, "find an excuse") to get out you receive an F for Failure to Try. don't waste your time. there is a time limit; and knowing that influences your actions, unnaturally. timing... is what got you where you are now. perhaps your timing was off. but don't think too far ahead now. the test is still going; you gotta keep writing.

all in or nothing at all.
you down?
shit; I am.

character deficiency; a story

2009-01-27T00:06:00.000-08:00

driving back to uc, i turn on the radio in the hollow and stupid assembled, disassembled, then reassembled dash kit... and after a couple switches of stations, i slowly started to get a feel for the songs. to those this may apply to, you probably remember me obnoxiously rehearsing the out-played lyrics of mainstream music when a favorite tune is on the stations of (and it goes in this numerical order) 89.3, 94.9, 99.7, 102.5, or 106.1 along with the incorrect facial expressions and jiggy movements that do not match the songs. with all this happening, you STILL must remember that the tires are still spinning, the roads still have signs that you must abide to, there are other automobilists about your lanes, LIGHTS, and patrols hidden in spots you would have never known that you MUST be aware of. how the heck do you handle a horrible singing girl in the passenger/driver seat to such blasting music?!?! how do you handle a heavy load of instantaneous things happening at once?

yeaaa... such weird nature. but yet, it is still nature, or natural to me. [laugh all you want haha].

and that was the first spark of a flashback.

i finally reach home and head for amandalene's house. *ahhh*, i thought. *i'm back in the areaaa*. while conversating with amanda, i came to notice we both started adding in english accents with our phrases. *whoa*, i thought. *haven't heard any accents from myself in awhile*.

second spark.

just conversating in general.. take a random topic, and add pile after pile of memories/experiences to the fire of the conversation. past few days i've been quiet as hell, alone to myself and not exactly conversating at all... but when i came back to uc, conversations started to flow out my head like no other..

third spark.

those were only a few characteristics that i haven't seen in awhile. what defines cherylness has either left the building, or it has matured. i'm leaning towards, "left the building", but i want it to come back. naturally. wheres the cheryl in cherylness?! what happened to your "horrible singing, 'juh a litt'o bit', yeah yeah yeah i remember that time!" girl go? so quiet, so reserved, so curious... bring me back. bring it out of me.

"i miss you" simply won't do; it ought to be an "i miss You"

i'm still Here
bring her back

"simply independent"

2009-01-24T04:22:00.000-08:00

why thank you, tony tones. =)

i appreciate those readers who have known me even before this blog and have watched me grow as a person. you know, at first i was slightly somewhat offended whenever someone would say i dress "simple" or i'm a "simple" girl. i've always refused to be anything but ordinary. i took into deep consideration when somebody said, "you're boring".. and i've realized i'm overthinking all this wayy too much! simplicity is not a bad thing, really. you can't exactly pinpoint a style, and you can't exactly say that there isn't a style.. because truthfully, simplicity is already complex. it has its own edge, such as the color black. mysterious in all aspects. you really never know until you open the book, right? i may look simple, but that's only because you gotta get to know me first to see the more complexity of myself as a whole. take for example, you see a girl with some stylish-ass clothes struttin the sidewalks. you can kinda already tell who she is, without opening the book. whats the fun in that?

the other day mom was angry with me. she was saying how i "never listen; [i] always like to do my own thing". the way she approached me with that made it seem that was a stubborn trait to have. hey, it could be. but it could also be an "admirable attribute" -gabe. It shows control over your own life and making decisions for yourself. A little self centered but everyone has to be, sometimes.

to some, or shall I say a certain individual, I may seem Dependent. probably you are confused with the definition of "independent" vs "girlfriend". there is a very distinct difference between the two; one of which another person is involved, and with the other, there is not. That is what defines their obvious differences. With that, which one am I to you?

asshole guys are turning good girlfriends into lesbians.

2009-01-21T10:09:00.000-08:00

more soon. stay tuned

yeeeeee...!!!

2009-01-19T13:36:00.000-08:00

you know it! you know it! that's wsup!

Before the nyquil kicks in...

2009-01-17T22:29:00.000-08:00

Ahhhhh dkjdjsoxjdnus nevermind i'm falling asleep already goodnight uc tomorrow! Zzzzzz

Edit: 8:23am

The nyquil only worked until about 5am. Since then, I've been tossing and turning, peeing, and drinking water. now it's like, 8. I lay beside my monkeypillow and panda, thinking about The Next Step.

don't think too much don't think too much

I've come to believe that everyone has some sort of natural obligation to family. no matter how much we may have created an as-close-as-family relationship with our friends, bfs, gfs, whoever it may be... we were taught since childhood that Family comes first. in addition, at this age, for some of us School is another priority.

as for me, school and family tie in together. -_- so, I will continue to focus on my priorities as I wish you the best and hope you will do the same with yours.

I will respect a firm fool-proof decision. anything that will make you happy / fulfilled / accomplished / or helps you acquire your goal by making ends meet with all your top-most priorities.

I mean it may be sad being secondary on that list.. but who are we to judge? I can't get mad, coz we have our own priorities too, right? so do your thang, it's completely understandable.

=)) doublechin!! Haha!

b**ch i might be

2009-01-16T14:01:00.000-08:00

fever =(

with weather like this, how could you have a fever?! ahhh >_<. iwanna go to the beach. i like feeling the warmth from the sun. and to tan! i like being dark. or caramel, atleast. not cream. making this decision, i never knew how much i needed to change. well, now that i think about it, every decision requires some change. but anyways, this environment has made me feel less special. good. theres hella asians& whatnot so i just kinda.. blend in. standing out can be fun, but i need to focus now. i don't know anybody, so no more, "hey, wanna grab a bite to eat?" good. now there IS another weekend question that i'm hesitant to resist, "wanna hang out?" i'm totally down; it's not like i'm 123456789miles away. ^_^ haha, i'm just right here. =) on the weekdays tho, think of it as if i'm in sd already.

theres a kaiser nearby that i can volunteer at. some girl volunteers 4 hrs a week. theres also a pharmacy store inside kaiser that might let me be a cashier. keyword: might. i haven't tried yet, i'm still trying to get acquainted.

it's all a shock to me that it's happening so fast, yet so slow.

with cheryl, it's always a process. =)
prove them wrong.

anddd back to nappin. i hope this fever goes away soon. =T

<3c

track 4

2009-01-11T01:36:00.000-08:00

neyo.

can't sleep again

with flying colors.

2009-01-07T17:54:00.000-08:00

give it a few minutes, and a simple "hey! how are you?" turns into an "ugh cheryl!!" *shakes head, head down*

i've been irritated. turned down. beat up with pessimistic opinions. judged..

and i've proven them Right.

yep.. go ahead.. roll your eyes.. assume.

part of that is due to the excess 16 year old in me. rebellious, angry, "fine!" type of attitude. well yeah, i mean. if something makes me mad, i get even. a horrible mindset, but it may come out of me every once in awhile. =T

part of that is also due to abuse. nooo, not physical. er well.. mom might pull my ear or slap my head a few times, but that's about it. but i meant abuse as in, over abuse of repetition. saying the same thing over and over again, all this nagging.. blah blah blah... it's annoying! listing your expectations for me every night before i go to sleep. gee, like i wasn't aware of your expectations. -_- at first, it made me feel antsy/nervous.. like "okay, i needa rush and get this shit done coz mom said so, okay Go. you're lagging. just do it." but repetition of these constant reminders of what's expected actually Lowers my motivation to Prove You Wrong, therefore less motivation = less focus = one ear & out the other.

your reverse psychology is actually doing the opposite. of all people you'd think family would believe in you. hff

part focus; which i have none of. no motivation, no yearn for the goal. what is it then? oblivious? selfish? passive? naive? lazy? cynical, even? perhaps.

part Care...
sike. i've been so sluggish lately that i keep proving them right By The Second!

=( down time. =( =( =(

and like a volcano that has built everything up on it's insides, there will be a time when it can't hold it in any longer...

but not at this very second. >=)
hah!
whycome?
because, i am currently secluding myself, making some very vast changes to my schedule in another attempt to prove them........

wrong.

muahahaha

add a tally mark to yet another "attempt". let's see how far..

when are you going to prove them wrong?

let's see how far we've come

2008-12-31T02:07:00.001-08:00

i think this song fits.

it's seriously the end of the year and damnnnn what a rollercoaster ride it was. hah! from fuckn the START of january til now, and all the months in between.. each month had it's own highlight. overlooking it all, i'm glad i made it through the hellhole. i learned a bajillion of things along the way, and i'm no-doubtedly in a WAY better situation/position Now than i was in the preceding years. [thank you boredom! (inside joke)] the main months i'd have to say, were january, february, april, july, september, and november. this past year i went to socal &mexico pretty much on a whim Without parental guidance, canada, washington, tried new things (cough cough), met an amazing person, rendezvous'd countless times, had 2 jobs, considered another major, and met my boyfriend j =), just to name a few. after all this, i feel like i've stepped out my shell. i've... hmm.. how shall i say this.. Advanced. Stepped Up. yeaaaaa.. hahaha. i especially thank the people i've gotten [not a real word, btw] to know this year. coz like i've said, each person you meet you kinda pick up/learn something from them. thank You. i've kept some friendships, gained some, lost one. but hey, the ones who matter most show up in the long run. somehow, some way. resolutions stay same as last year's.. [see january 08 entry]. this ride had it's own twists and turns, lifts and drops, intense's and dead's, etc.. but can you really say it was well worth the ride?

of course. every second of it.

i will forever remember.... '08.

p.s.,
this isn't the end..! ready for 09? =)

yes

2008-12-21T02:15:00.000-08:00

"and thats what the ultimate goal is, keep her happy"
it's when you're angry at her but say FUCK IT i LOVE this girl and will cut the rest out &aim for the goal.. put the shit aside. at utmost priority. above yourself. trust the communication you two have. the ultimate level of a relationship. everything is gonna be o-kay. don't Think; Know.

discussing what classes to sign up for.. then have it lead on to the very reason we are attending school.. why? "because i don't wanna not-be-able-to support my family if i can only rely on myself. i aint trynna be a beitch who nags her ex husband [knock on wood] for money sheeit i make money on my OWNnigga i'm GROWN!" and you? "so i can give Big". we have our reasons but doesn't it make you wonder, why aren't others in school? they say they are comfortable with the "now" and some feel they can support themselves in their own ways. others figure, oh, they'll realize it sooner or later. it'll hit them. well it's up to them, time will tell. rollin in my bmw hair blowin in the wind, sun glistenin off my skinnn ;]

a ribbon on your index finger

2008-12-17T03:04:00.000-08:00

this past week/month/whatever has been quite hectic. and, in the near future [like for the next 3 weeks] things are going to be even more crazyhectic.

thank you holidays!
and i'm done with finals yee =)

anyway,
don't get me wrong; i love my friends. we help sift through our differences and point them out to each other if they are visible and need attention. "hey, your ego is showing" or "hey, that annoying thing you do is annoying", etc.. etc. Of course, "thanks for letting me know". but what happens when it prolongs.. when it's almost like a bad habit..

or a personality trait? that you'll just have to accept?
or should you just stick with the saying [not fact] that simply people don't change?
or is it a medical problem that needs attention?

we can never really be too sure which fits the person.. but i guess if you're with them long enough you start to see which one of those the person fits closest to. for example...

"R_ _ _ _ l hey stop running around! you barely ate today where the heck did you get all that energy from?!"
fits in more closely with the last one; medical attention.

as for me, most commonly, (and i'm scared of this one everytime it comes up...)

"i forgot" (>_< sorrryyyy don't hurt me i honestly forgot!)
would fit in with... well... You be the judge.

"We know that you know what you're doing and what's going on at the moment, but once we ask you... iono? *shrug* it seems as if you're not listening. you're in the clouds." / "you have your blonde moments" / "someone once told me those are qualities of someone in love" -_-

i try to analyze this.. see what Could be the problem.. figure out what the Hell is the reason for that person to even SAY such a thing. okay; i've heard something similar before. hah.. wait. i've heard something similar before? *cough* habit? medical attention? "just me"?

grrr. =(

help get this shit Out of me. i'm tiiiired of it. so are you. if you can stand it, then i must like you.* haha

so i thought.. hmm. maybe some people care about certain things that i don't really pay much attention to. like girls who talk about where they got their clothes at.. seriously.. one ear out the other. or people who talk about things i frown on, ex. gambling, cheating, etc.. the most i'll say is an "oh. really? haha". or people who make a big deal out of nothing [or atleast, what i believe is "nothing" could be "something" to them... i guess...] i tend to roll my eyes. and i knoww, you hate it. but i simply do not care... ..

k that was a bit harsh. i Care, but about particular things. such as the IDEA of what you're saying, or what you Learned out of it, or if it's Beneficial to your life in any way, or if it's super Interesting to me. then yeah. i do care about those things. i care about your well being.

yeaaaaa...

anywho. because my habit/unwillingness to change/personality trait/medical condition, i started to think.. if it's a habit, how could i stop it if i just forgot my keys in the car? if i'm unwilling to change, have i not matured yet? why/how do i fix that? if it's a cheryl-thing, are people going to just be annoyed and accept it? if it's a medical thing, then i need some medical attention. =\

with that, that's only 1 sided. what happens when 2 "habits" clash? 2 people, talking normally, and then BAM. 2 habits clash. 2 personality traits that do not mix. a person who hates the disgustingness of people biting their nails and a person who habitually bites their nails. a person who pays attention to EVERYTHING vs a person who doesn't pay attention to anything. a person who is turned off by people who forget vs a person who constantly forgets. what the fuck now!?

so, i made this chart. i wrote down personality/habits/etc about each person that i had issues with, and i try to keep those "things" in mind. i even went so far as to making a schedule of that person's agenda throughout the week. i.e., "8 hr shifts on weekends (meaning that person will be tired)" or "class til 10 on tuesdays", etc etc.. it's a good thing to make. if you're forgetful as me, maybe even on your phone... hahaha..

AND NO I DID NOT FORGET MY NAME

one problematic issue i thought of in my head concerned "2 personality traits that do not mix". it worries me. worrying is bad. did you know it's a sin to always worry? iono that's what mom says. aghh sorry i went off on a tangent. anyways, a personality trait is what makes a person. that and, your past makes your present. truth. if you can't accept the person for who he/she IS... then... it's not gonna work? the whole point of a good relationship is when 2 people can be themselves and are perfectly fine with it. but if those "traits" or "habits" or "turn offs" don't mix with you.. then.. get out, i guess?* =\

i mean, *find someone who accepts you for who you are. heres a poem:

you be you.
i be me.
together,
happily. =)

you both gotta find common grounds tho. and be on the same page. or else miscommunication is at hand. be careful about that. and don't forget to apologize. [me n cassandra habitually say sorry a lot if you haven't noticed] [[we try to reduce it, coz what about the day we cry Wolf!]]

for those of you unfamiliar of the term, read this: the girl who cried wolf

just keep people's traits/habits in mind. a true friend accepts all for who you are. "cheryl cheryl cherylllll..."

and now, back to our daily lives. we continue on with what we learned.. a better person each day. you know how it goes.

speaking of a true friend, HAPPY 21ST KESSY!! (part 1)
we did some last minute card stuff. hella raining that day too. we were initially supposed to go to claim jumpers, but they were closed. so we drove to santana row to uh, blowfish. but i guess at that time, blowfish needed ID. -_-. we wanted to surprise her. then i ran to maggiano's, leftbank, pomodoro, chili's, cpk, sushiboat, even went to kaenyama, ALL FREAKIN CLOSED! me n cassandra were worried with headaches, hunger, kessy eyes-closed in the back, tired of all the turns i had to make.. and hella last minute epiphany.. OH YEAH. BJ's!hope you liked your great white pizza and strawberry thingermajigg drink. part 2 is later. on our way home... presents!got me thinkin, shit..... i'm next!

gnite ;]

zomg yo

2008-12-16T02:09:00.000-08:00

i forgot the last part of my thesis; the learned lessons! but not to fear, i most definitely have them chicken-scratched on a piece of paper. i'll update tomorrow mmk? class til 12. i'll see you then. oh btw, good luck with finals! =I !

indolent

2008-12-11T03:21:00.000-08:00

maturity in the works.

note to audience / thesis: first we will introduce with the events that happened this weekend in chronological order, followed by visual examples. secondly we will add in descriptive texts to show the meanings of these examples, and lastly.. learned lessons.

i am in constant non-constant. i need change. i need.. to step outside of the box sometimes. i can be.. claustrophobic.. and when it comes to routine i grow weary.

i'll jump and scream. literally, figuratively..

so what do i do?

i get out.

friday: downtown

[hot cocoa + kettle corn = good mix]. look familiar? hahaha... it's the place i jumped with the Trio! =) pyrotechnics

beautiful cakestry with my favorite flower: orchidsla vic's first to get some grub. loooooves their special sauce. no, not in that way.. you're dirty.

random text: go to shelly's tonight! pre-bday celebration for kessy's 21st!

i really like the color of your jeans.mons & arnold aka a.m. smoooooch! <3

sunday: daddy & lolo papa aka Grandpa [dad's side]. he came from virginia.

good job roach!!!

this is my lolo. he's O.G. status.lol rachel loserWE FLY HIGHNO LIEAND YOU KNOW THISSSSBALLLLLIN!!!waaa!oops... ouchie =(

tuesday rendezvous and stepping out the box

eww.. fluffy cheeks cute a puffer hella up in my camera like "Take MY picture! take my picture!"2 humping frogs

lotto store. people actually won $$$$.$$ of dollars there in that storeenter the dragon lolso we went to this jewelry store in chinatown & we bought earrings.

likes long walks on the beach

2008-12-06T12:08:00.000-08:00

daydreaming... again. on google images. haha..
-siiigh-
sometime soon . . .

venice beach

laguna beachla jolla beachnewport beach

abe: and that's what the ultimate goal is

abe: keep her happy

abe: and, she does the same for me

abe: so it works

you live, you learn.

pictureblog! anti-tumblr

of lower rank

dear diary

DAY 1 - The Return of Cheryl

*macbook reboot sound*

3.20.11

update version 3.7.11

sometimes you need to be reminded

ness ness ness

blurt.

happy 10..

a rare species

quick to judge.

he said he doesn't celebrate monthoversaries

iiiiits cuddle weather!

flies in my fries

i really don't mind.

let's just be.

REPRESENT

Hyderabad, India; day 2/4

Hyderabad, India; day 1/4

is it summer yettt?!

zombie michael in my room?

with roach. recorded with an hp. super lag! exactly why you should get a mac.

san diego sun

part 22

conscience

hello from hibernation

Words. [updated 012110]

"beni swa leternel"

i'm also, losing it.

resistance is futile

kicks rocks... =T

HEY

"call/txt me thnx ;)"

say whaa?

passionate

i've always wanted to..

never done before

long lasting

blowin in the right wind

no seriously, keep the change.

when you really want something...

not a victim.

=)

don't stop now

flush

jambananaman!

Cockiness Has No Game

@work

method to the madness

"technically"

money honey

all i am.

show me what you got

i'm so homesick!

paranoid

sometimes,

faith roots run deep

one weekend, different people.

cleaning

21st; recap

everyday lifestyle

twist, with force

i agree.

THEN DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT

i stand.. your ground.

i guess?

"put your braveface on"

it's the people you hang out with

keep riding; continue writing

character deficiency; a story

"simply independent"

asshole guys are turning good girlfriends into lesbians.

yeeeeee...!!!

Before the nyquil kicks in...

b**ch i might be

track 4

with flying colors.

macbook reboot sound