you live, you learn.: 12.08

12.31.2008

let's see how far we've come

i think this song fits.

it's seriously the end of the year and damnnnn what a rollercoaster ride it was. hah! from fuckn the START of january til now, and all the months in between.. each month had it's own highlight. overlooking it all, i'm glad i made it through the hellhole. i learned a bajillion of things along the way, and i'm no-doubtedly in a WAY better situation/position Now than i was in the preceding years. [thank you boredom! (inside joke)] the main months i'd have to say, were january, february, april, july, september, and november. this past year i went to socal &mexico pretty much on a whim Without parental guidance, canada, washington, tried new things (cough cough), met an amazing person, rendezvous'd countless times, had 2 jobs, considered another major, and met my boyfriend j =), just to name a few. after all this, i feel like i've stepped out my shell. i've... hmm.. how shall i say this.. Advanced. Stepped Up. yeaaaaa.. hahaha. i especially thank the people i've gotten [not a real word, btw] to know this year. coz like i've said, each person you meet you kinda pick up/learn something from them. thank You. i've kept some friendships, gained some, lost one. but hey, the ones who matter most show up in the long run. somehow, some way. resolutions stay same as last year's.. [see january 08 entry]. this ride had it's own twists and turns, lifts and drops, intense's and dead's, etc.. but can you really say it was well worth the ride?

of course. every second of it.

i will forever remember.... '08.

p.s.,
this isn't the end..! ready for 09? =)

12.21.2008

yes

"and thats what the ultimate goal is, keep her happy"
it's when you're angry at her but say FUCK IT i LOVE this girl and will cut the rest out &aim for the goal.. put the shit aside. at utmost priority. above yourself. trust the communication you two have. the ultimate level of a relationship. everything is gonna be o-kay. don't Think; Know.

discussing what classes to sign up for.. then have it lead on to the very reason we are attending school.. why? "because i don't wanna not-be-able-to support my family if i can only rely on myself. i aint trynna be a beitch who nags her ex husband [knock on wood] for money sheeit i make money on my OWNnigga i'm GROWN!" and you? "so i can give Big". we have our reasons but doesn't it make you wonder, why aren't others in school? they say they are comfortable with the "now" and some feel they can support themselves in their own ways. others figure, oh, they'll realize it sooner or later. it'll hit them. well it's up to them, time will tell. rollin in my bmw hair blowin in the wind, sun glistenin off my skinnn ;]

12.17.2008

a ribbon on your index finger

this past week/month/whatever has been quite hectic. and, in the near future [like for the next 3 weeks] things are going to be even more crazyhectic.

thank you holidays!
and i'm done with finals yee =)

anyway,
don't get me wrong; i love my friends. we help sift through our differences and point them out to each other if they are visible and need attention. "hey, your ego is showing" or "hey, that annoying thing you do is annoying", etc.. etc. Of course, "thanks for letting me know". but what happens when it prolongs.. when it's almost like a bad habit..

or a personality trait? that you'll just have to accept?
or should you just stick with the saying [not fact] that simply people don't change?
or is it a medical problem that needs attention?

we can never really be too sure which fits the person.. but i guess if you're with them long enough you start to see which one of those the person fits closest to. for example...

"R_ _ _ _ l hey stop running around! you barely ate today where the heck did you get all that energy from?!"
fits in more closely with the last one; medical attention.

as for me, most commonly, (and i'm scared of this one everytime it comes up...)

"i forgot" (>_< sorrryyyy don't hurt me i honestly forgot!)
would fit in with... well... You be the judge.

"We know that you know what you're doing and what's going on at the moment, but once we ask you... iono? *shrug* it seems as if you're not listening. you're in the clouds." / "you have your blonde moments" / "someone once told me those are qualities of someone in love" -_-

i try to analyze this.. see what Could be the problem.. figure out what the Hell is the reason for that person to even SAY such a thing. okay; i've heard something similar before. hah.. wait. i've heard something similar before? *cough* habit? medical attention? "just me"?

grrr. =(

help get this shit Out of me. i'm tiiiired of it. so are you. if you can stand it, then i must like you.* haha

so i thought.. hmm. maybe some people care about certain things that i don't really pay much attention to. like girls who talk about where they got their clothes at.. seriously.. one ear out the other. or people who talk about things i frown on, ex. gambling, cheating, etc.. the most i'll say is an "oh. really? haha". or people who make a big deal out of nothing [or atleast, what i believe is "nothing" could be "something" to them... i guess...] i tend to roll my eyes. and i knoww, you hate it. but i simply do not care... ..

k that was a bit harsh. i Care, but about particular things. such as the IDEA of what you're saying, or what you Learned out of it, or if it's Beneficial to your life in any way, or if it's super Interesting to me. then yeah. i do care about those things. i care about your well being.

yeaaaaa...

anywho. because my habit/unwillingness to change/personality trait/medical condition, i started to think.. if it's a habit, how could i stop it if i just forgot my keys in the car? if i'm unwilling to change, have i not matured yet? why/how do i fix that? if it's a cheryl-thing, are people going to just be annoyed and accept it? if it's a medical thing, then i need some medical attention. =\

with that, that's only 1 sided. what happens when 2 "habits" clash? 2 people, talking normally, and then BAM. 2 habits clash. 2 personality traits that do not mix. a person who hates the disgustingness of people biting their nails and a person who habitually bites their nails. a person who pays attention to EVERYTHING vs a person who doesn't pay attention to anything. a person who is turned off by people who forget vs a person who constantly forgets. what the fuck now!?

so, i made this chart. i wrote down personality/habits/etc about each person that i had issues with, and i try to keep those "things" in mind. i even went so far as to making a schedule of that person's agenda throughout the week. i.e., "8 hr shifts on weekends (meaning that person will be tired)" or "class til 10 on tuesdays", etc etc.. it's a good thing to make. if you're forgetful as me, maybe even on your phone... hahaha..

AND NO I DID NOT FORGET MY NAME

one problematic issue i thought of in my head concerned "2 personality traits that do not mix". it worries me. worrying is bad. did you know it's a sin to always worry? iono that's what mom says. aghh sorry i went off on a tangent. anyways, a personality trait is what makes a person. that and, your past makes your present. truth. if you can't accept the person for who he/she IS... then... it's not gonna work? the whole point of a good relationship is when 2 people can be themselves and are perfectly fine with it. but if those "traits" or "habits" or "turn offs" don't mix with you.. then.. get out, i guess?* =\

i mean, *find someone who accepts you for who you are. heres a poem:

you be you.
i be me.
together,
happily. =)

you both gotta find common grounds tho. and be on the same page. or else miscommunication is at hand. be careful about that. and don't forget to apologize. [me n cassandra habitually say sorry a lot if you haven't noticed] [[we try to reduce it, coz what about the day we cry Wolf!]]

for those of you unfamiliar of the term, read this: the girl who cried wolf

just keep people's traits/habits in mind. a true friend accepts all for who you are. "cheryl cheryl cherylllll..."

and now, back to our daily lives. we continue on with what we learned.. a better person each day. you know how it goes.

speaking of a true friend, HAPPY 21ST KESSY!! (part 1)

we did some last minute card stuff. hella raining that day too. we were initially supposed to go to claim jumpers, but they were closed. so we drove to santana row to uh, blowfish. but i guess at that time, blowfish needed ID. -_-. we wanted to surprise her. then i ran to maggiano's, leftbank, pomodoro, chili's, cpk, sushiboat, even went to kaenyama, ALL FREAKIN CLOSED! me n cassandra were worried with headaches, hunger, kessy eyes-closed in the back, tired of all the turns i had to make.. and hella last minute epiphany.. OH YEAH. BJ's!

hope you liked your great white pizza and strawberry thingermajigg drink. part 2 is later. on our way home... presents!

got me thinkin, shit..... i'm next!

gnite ;]

12.16.2008

zomg yo

i forgot the last part of my thesis; the learned lessons! but not to fear, i most definitely have them chicken-scratched on a piece of paper. i'll update tomorrow mmk? class til 12. i'll see you then. oh btw, good luck with finals! =I !

12.11.2008

indolent

maturity in the works.

note to audience / thesis: first we will introduce with the events that happened this weekend in chronological order, followed by visual examples. secondly we will add in descriptive texts to show the meanings of these examples, and lastly.. learned lessons.

i am in constant non-constant. i need change. i need.. to step outside of the box sometimes. i can be.. claustrophobic.. and when it comes to routine i grow weary.

i'll jump and scream. literally, figuratively..