When we have weak core muscles, it's much harder to maintain good posture.

fuck it! slouch, eat a big mac, sit all day

of lower rank

happy 1yr & 3mo... ah fuck it who am i kidding.

not myself lately. turtle mode.

kawawa. downtime.

you really, really, really, really, REALLY, suck.


i can't expect anything from you, but it kinda comes with my title. with past experience, ive learned how to be and how not to be and i feel like THIS cheryl, the cheryl NOW, is the finished product.. like 10 + 10 = 20 times better! add it all together and you've got a super sized meal!

as if i've surpassed the boss level in a video game!

a fuckin good-ass-deal!

having said that, i feel that i am better than ever =)

but..

it's not appreciated.

WHY does it feel like i have no value?! not exactly pushed aside, i just.. feel like.. i'm not.. getting what people at my level should have in return. appreciation. worth. uniqueness.

let's recap; i can't expect anything from you, but it kinda comes with my title. save me from worthless tears and just denote me down a notch. i don't know how much longer i can stay like this.

dear diary

had an AWESOME weekend! first time @ bay2breakers AND a strip club, AND walked from market to the pier for what seemed like decades. i guess i had it reversed, i had a shot of vodka first thing in the morning, THEN i ate a breakfast burrito. lol. it was soooo cool! i wish i had a new camera so i could show you pictures but fortunately i'm saving my money for vegas with 4 semi-new girl friends. anywho, bay2breakers! my first time! lots of halloweenish costumes.. less slutty.. more weird, dorky, themed, and people bouncing in the nude. a littttttle disturbing! heh! my favorite was the group that planned for the rain.. all the girls dressed up as shower mesh sponges and the one and only guy dressed up as a shower! curtain included! hahaha HOWEVER it didn't rain at all! it was surprisingly veryyyy sunny. still cold tho, it's sf after all. we walked from bart to catch up with the crowd, got lost within the crowd, separated from our original group, weaved through the crowd, found some friends and drank some more (btw vince brought his camelback and filled that up with some vodka). hahaha... then we found circle of people surrounding wrestling match between not-so-similar weight classes. haha... sad to say one of the filipinos horribly lost.. i think he was just half drunk and flubby. saw some more old naked people.. tits.. junk.. then after the crowd dispersed a little more, we found 2 members from our original group and decided to walk around with them to look for a bar. COULDNT FIND a worthy bar, so we walked and walked and walked from bay2breakers to the strip club... there were only 2 black girls who were swapping the stage. one of them could climb the pole with her body, the other couldn't. phino handed me a wad of dollar bills and sat me down smack dab in the front of all the action =x! and yes; i tapped that ass. ;) my facial expression was like this the whole time: o_o . . . i didn't know how to react! awkward and it didn't turn me on at all? im not even sure if i'm supposed to be turned on?! that was my first time as well. haha. then from the strip club to the pier! from being denied of 50% off at bubbas to being approved of 50% off at rainforest cafe. UGHHHH you could imagine all the walking we did? i desperately had to call-in the next day. couldn't move my legs or keep them standing! then we randomly met up with the rest of our group and fell asleep on our bart ride back home. i love being buzzed all day. :D

ok now im sad again. this isnt going anywhereee... comfortable - lil wayne.

MAN you suck.

DAY 1 - The Return of Cheryl

day 1 is definitely not how i thought it would be. i took a step back from the box* to analyze what i was doing, and what situation i was in.. and after thinking on it, i realized that i was brainwashed into following a pre-destined path my mother had set up for me. she advertised it well, weighing out the pro's and con's.. as well as throwing in a few promotions of her own, such as a free room and free food. but we ALL KNOW that nothing in life is free! so of course i had to read the fine print: "the promoted free room is next door to a 13 year old girl who is still not mature. across the hallway is a room with traditional-style grandparents who will scold you for anything that is seen non-traditional. across the other hallway is your mother who will always nag you no matter what until you get your shit together"

it's like i'm back at square one. but i refuse to consider this as "square one"

atleast this time around, i actually have something accomplished. so, technically, this would be square Two! haha

babysteps, i guess.

aha! that's exactly it - babysteps! i need to stop mentally punishing myself for not being where i wish i was.. and instead i should just appreciate where i AM, and what i've DONE to get myself in the place i'm currently in. maybe we should all take a

*moment of appreciation*

that is all for day 1. appreciate today, rest, go on with externships, and proceed to square three when ready. got it!

=)

*macbook reboot sound*

i guess i should update you guys with what's really going on right now, because the previous post is so last month!

ha!

after countless nights of contemplating til 2am, i've come to conclude that my personality has reached a pleateau. that would explain why i felt down-in-the-dumps at any given event, and why i honestly had nothing cool or important to talk about anymore. I was irritable.. bland... and lifeless, if you may.

=\

where has all of cheryl gone? what happened to those times where people would say, "cheryl would do that" or "that's so cheryl!" haha. i needed to put the cheryl back in cherylness.blogspot.com. and of course, i was/am destined to restore what was once mine!

so i'm coming back. with a new twist.. i'm 23 now, not 19, not 20, not 21, not 22.. but yes, 23. although i may not know what to do, i know now what NOT to do. (i'll let you re-read that)

ahh, the feeling of something fresh & new. i'm all for it! and i hope you'll stick around to continue reading my blogs.. cuz there will definitely be more updates in the (very) near future.

so far, here are my current updates:

-graduated from my pharmtech program

-starting pharmtech externships perhaps as soon as tomorrow

-moving back to moms

-not stopping there! continuing with school and aiming for that degree!

-VEGAS finally with all girls! (yes, i'm 2 years late. this is my first time going with friends and not family)

-SKYDIVING IS A MUST. since i couldn't do it last year

-ziplining next month. woot!

-no more Chase!

&more later..

;D

<3c.